Fellow Bloodthirsty Warriors~

Once again, I have to start our little newsletter off with a complaint. The cool see through device with all the hoses is my new steam cleaner, not a new hookah. I walk away for two minutes and three of you morons are sucking on the hoses and trying to light the bristles! Knock it off. It took ten days to get there here by Afghan Express! Finally I can get the camel crap out of my prayer rug.

Next, Abdul is no longer allowed to select the women for the wet burkha contest. There I am, hosing them down, having a great time and what do I see? There were at least three of those wet burkhas developing a little “Pup Tent” action if you know what I mean. I still get chills thinking about it.

There is also a new nick name you all need to be aware of. From now on, Saheeb will be referred to as Stumpy. On a side note, Three Fingers Ali needs a new assistant in bomb making class.

And finally, for those who may be interested, I am interviewing for a new teleprompter operator for my next release to Al Jazeera. Imagine my horror on watching myself show up on international TV and what do I say? I hate Juice! I hate Juice? What the hell is that!

Yours always, Usama

PS. I caused Katrina!