So... a war was started today... and I must retaliate... I got owned harder than I have in my life...

This chick brings her ipod earbuds to me and says "can you see if these work on your computer", I touch them, and lotion squirts out all in my hands. She had them in her purse with a bottle of lotion that leaked... it was on purpose, so there I was smelling like vanilla bean some shit. I tried washing it off, didn't work. I playfully bitched about it a little bit... and then...

At 5pm she approaches me, knowing that I like starbucks, and says "did you know that starbucks has instant coffee singles now?" Hands me one, I grab it and I've got this excited look on my face like "COOL!", when I grab it... the mother fucker is covered with lotion on the back.

I got fucking owned HARD. I took it, hook, line, and sinker... but I did get a coffee singles out of it...

So now, it's war until 5pm April 1st.

Here's things I'm considering doing:

-Her phone automatically picks up on speakerphone when you call her from in-office. She then picks up the receiver. So I was thinking of putting a small piece of tape on the reciever cord where it plugs in, so when she does that it hangs up automatically.

-I've got full control of active directory. Basically, I can do anything to her computer I want, and when the group policy updates... it does that. The other day I put a picture of a retarded guy as her desktop background and enforced the policy to not allow changes.

-I was also thinking of taking a screenshot of the desktop, setting it as the background, then moving all of her icons to another folder.

-Changing the icon targets... swtiching word with excel, etc. Or changing them all to open something stupid, or shutdown the computer via the rundll32 trick.

-Reversing the mouse buttons.

I'm good on computer ideas... but I want to get her ass back hardcore for this lotion shit, I still smell like a girl. :( I can't cover everything in her office in aluminum foil, I don't have that much time or aluminum foil...

p.s. I cant get this shit off of my hands... fuck.

pics or gtfo

pics of my girly hands?

No, pics of your not enough time or aluminum foil.

She's flirting with you, Zero. Do you want to hit it?

She's married. This thread isn't about sex... this thread is about revenge.

I found a good one... buy a shitload of plastic cups and cover her office floor/desk in them... I can probably do that in 5 minutes.

She's married. This thread isn't about sex...

Apparently you missed this hint the first time... I'll reiterated:

She's flirting with you, Zero. Do you want to hit it?

Well, there's an obvious attraction there... I'm not retarded, but, a piece of ass isn't worth drama or having the breaking up of a marriage on my hands so I don't cross the line. I don't need relationship advice, I'm almost 25 years old, I think my chemistry/attraction-sensor works by now :)


What I do need... is hilarious office prank ideas...

Loosen bolts and screws for things she uses every day. Drawers, things like that. So her office falls apart.

This:
http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/8c52/

I have two or three of those. Just chillin. Waiting for a good day.

Loosen bolts and screws for things she uses every day. Drawers, things like that. So her office falls apart.

This:
http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/8c52/

I have two or three of those. Just chillin. Waiting for a good day.

Lol... that would be perfect... doubt it'd be here in time... i should get it and keep messing with her though. I could pop the side of her computer case off, put it in there and she'd never check in there... I think she typically listens to an ipod/watches shit on it all day though... probably wouldn't hear it.

Lol... that would be perfect... doubt it'd be here in time... i should get it and keep messing with her though. I could pop the side of her computer case off, put it in there and she'd never check in there... I think she typically listens to an ipod/watches shit on it all day though... probably wouldn't hear it.

What about her car? Can you get in there?

What about her car? Can you get in there?

Yep...

Well then, I think you've found the perfect place for it.

good point... I'll order one.

good point... I'll order one.

I think a good spot would be under a switch. If you can pop out a panel and tuck it in there, you'd be winning.

If you put a larger battery on there, Godwin.

p.s. I cant get this shit off of my hands... fuck.

well at least you have something to fap with.

Man law demands that you PIITB and never call her again, and tell the whole office that you got her in the pooper.

Hide some tuna in a crevice in her desk somewhere. You won't have much instant gratification, but come April fools '10, you will be laughing your ass off.

I've seen the cups one. You've gotta fill them all with a little bit of water first though.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGVWEkiVH7k - Cups

Search for "McKayVer" on youtube... Here's another one to get you started.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaxO_5JDm70 - Fishing Line

The intro to that last one shows him walking up to his car which has been crushed... I have as of yet to find this one. :( I assume it is epic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RqRC7BvgYs&NR=1
Sticky notes will take time though. You might wanna have some help with that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKa7eAFE0uc
Tires is a bit evil, to tamper with someone's vehicle.

So this morning I got here before her and put a piece of tape under her optical mouse sensor and colored it black... I'm pretty sure that'll throw it off. I was also going to turn her speakers on full blast so the windows sign-on sound would wake her up... BUT, her speakers were picking up some AM preaching station, so that was a no-go... it would've went great with the mouse trick, getting her twice in like 3 minutes.

She tried to strike this morning... she brought me "breakfast" and said "here's my peace offering..." Well, I didn't fall for it... There as half an eaten biscuit, but one good one, I trashed both. I peaked inside a bag full of coffee creamer containers and sugar packets... and there's a full cup of coffee... but I'm not even going to taste it.


I'm going to buy cups and post-its tonight... I just don't want to waste any company supplies in case someone bitches about me costing them 63 cents to fuck around with. I'm thinking the cups tomorrow morning, and the post-its monday morning.

Just got this e-mail as I was typing this post: "good one on the mouse….I only slammed it on the desk twice before I picked it up and looked at it…"


I think I remember her password, if so I'm going to remote-desktop to her computer, share her printers, and start printing stupid shit today... just gotta wait for her to go to a meeting so I can do it... she "locks" her computer when she walks away, so it'll look the same after I log out of remote desktop.

Lol@ the fishing line pele... I might do that too...

She swears the coffee is "untouched" and "good"... Should I try it? I did take a bite of one of the "boberry" biscuits... if I only I had some "JOOSE" I could be a southern gangsta.

So out of curiosity... I checked to see if she had any printers shared... and she did, how lucky is that??
http://i39.tinypic.com/2py2glh.jpg

So I printed this:
http://i39.tinypic.com/cmc1g.jpg

Cubicle, or office? Vaseline on doorknob?

Or smear some vaseline/lotion under her desk or keyboard tray.

I don't wanna go that far... not trying to mess anyones clothes up.

I think the fishing ilne deal is great, I'm going to hook it straight from a cup of pens she has to the chair so when she pulls it out, pens go everywhere. I've hit her twice today... waiting for retaliation... I think I know what it's going to be... we'll see...

In case anyone's keeping up with this little saga... the bitch got me again!

She starts talking to me, hands me an envelope, and the back side of the envelope is covered in tape (that's stick part to the envelope) and covered in lotion. :(


In concern for company resources... I just printed 10 blank pages (no ink/no paper) to her printer... I got an e-mail that just said "God Damn It."



Dude at work brought me fishing line from home when he went home for lunch...

I can only see this escalating. And it will lead to sex.

LOL !!

This is some good stuff.

The lotion envelope: (This bitch is smart.)
http://i40.tinypic.com/28vpovt.jpg



My afternoon retalation when she leaves at 4:30, she'll have this waiting for her tomorrow:
http://i40.tinypic.com/2d2df9f.jpg












Edit: She's getting drawers filled with peanuts too... i'll take pics.
EditEdit: Got her again... I snuck in her office, and put a piece of tape on her phone receiver... so when people called her, her speakerphone auto picks up... she picked up the receiver, and it stayed on speaker phone. Took her about 30 seconds to figure it out... lol

You could really fuck her up by showing her this place and getting her to be a member..........

I think I remember her password, if so I'm going to remote-desktop to her computer, share her printers, and start printing stupid shit today... just gotta wait for her to go to a meeting so I can do it... she "locks" her computer when she walks away, so it'll look the same after I log out of remote desktop.

If you're an administrator, install VNC server on login. Only one or two bits to install, then start the service.

VNC is cool because unlike windows desktop sharing, it lets you fuck with them while they're using it, and when you log out of VNC it doesn't lock the screen. It's more true "remote-desktop".

Bonus to this is when you move your mouse, hers moves too. Same goes for keyboard. Make her think the "L" key is stuck for a while. :)

I can only see this escalating. And it will lead her PIITB.

corrected :)

the annoy-a-tron is the perfect device.

You could really fuck her up by showing her this place and getting her to be a member..........

+1.

And ffs, we've been slacking... MAN LAW!

I would try this one instead....

http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/ae83/?cpg=ab

check to see if there's an available USB port on the back of her computer, that way she wont see it sticking out the front.

There are plenty of other things you could do too, like after youre done with the fishing line trick, superglue all of her pens into her pen cup. Maybe you should pop off a couple of the keys from her keyboard.....some people leave an extra pair of shoes in their office, if she does this then slip a little jello into them. This would work better if she keeps some walking shoes around, like if she goes walking at lunchtime. That way, you know she will find it today, not six months from now. You could do a fax-loop, but I would only do this if she has her own fax machine available. Once, we took a can of shaving cream and froze it for a few days. Once frozen, we cut off the bottom of the can and stuck it in an office desk drawer of one of our coworkers. When it thaws, it expands.....everywhere.....but that would probably damage some stuff. If you can get to her car keys, fill the car up to the steering wheel with ping pong balls, plastic spoons, really anything would work there. Another thing you can do--they sell stink bombs which are made of glass. Its like a glass tube, and when the glass breaks, out comes the smell. Reach under the driver's seat and slip one in between the foam seat cushion and one of the metal springs of the seat bottom--do this right dead center of the seat. It will not be activated until she sits in the seat, and then she's gonna wonder what died in there! It wont do any damage to the car, but man will it stink something fierce. And, they will not have the first clue, because it didnt smell when they first got in the car....that adds to it.

Oh, and go into her computer with your hacker skillz and change hey keyboard style to Dvorak.

I dont think this chick knows that when she messed with you, she messed with all of TFL. the ultimate prank would be to send markie to leghump her incessantly.

LMAO... come on now, don't fucking call man law... that's cheap. :(

I like the annoyatron... and lol@steel, when she messed with you, she messed with all of TFL... together, we can own bitches in the office.

okay, so update, she left before me today, she was scared too... so we had a stand off... I won... I got 3 of her drawers filled to t he brim with peanuts, and fishing line attached to post its, her business cards, some gingerbread decoration thing and the wire is pretty hidden... I'm pretty sure it's going to fuck shit up. I am concerned about a clown decoration, but if he gets broken in the process, he died for a good cause.

Pics to follow, bitches are taking forever to get in my email

Okay, here's the desk, the red is the route of the fishing line. 1 old ass 17" LCD? I feel bad for her, I should break the bitch and get her a new one:
http://i43.tinypic.com/6ye9na.jpg

Here it is tied to the chair... just noted, she has a shitty ass chair too:
http://i40.tinypic.com/v2zpde.jpg


Here's various desk drawers:
http://i39.tinypic.com/2lwsw0l.jpg
http://i41.tinypic.com/dctukl.jpg
http://i41.tinypic.com/4jan87.jpg

corrected :)

IM:
http://i39.tinypic.com/54zoy9.jpg

If you're an administrator, install VNC server on login. Only one or two bits to install, then start the service.

VNC is cool because unlike windows desktop sharing, it lets you fuck with them while they're using it, and when you log out of VNC it doesn't lock the screen. It's more true "remote-desktop".

Bonus to this is when you move your mouse, hers moves too. Same goes for keyboard. Make her think the "L" key is stuck for a while. :)

I wouldn't install anything like that period unless I got it in writing from the very top that it's okay too... Gotta be smart with it man, HR is "by the book."

well


hilarity is going to ensue, one way or another

I can't wait to see tomorrow's post

Oh another bit:

I bought enough post-its to fuck her little world up... I will hit that up tomorrow after she leaves so it's there monday... I hope the weekend cleaning crew doesn't fuck with it.

I also bought a 12-pack of confetti poppers... you pull the string, confetti shoots out... I'm pretty sure that by using a paper-clip I can ring these up in her desk drawers so when she opens them she shits bricks.



So, lets take bets... do you think she'll strike back after the peanuts/string? I think it'll be a bit much and she'll give up... God help her if she doesn't. I'm pretty sure I'll spend 5 minutes and help her clean up the peanut mess... I know, I know... man-law violated again. :(

I would have suggested using a lower pound test line. That stuff looks REALLY thick (and visible).. 2lb would be more than enough to get the job done, and it's damn near invisible. Too late now though =(


This poor, poor, woman.. loollolololol

IM:
http://i39.tinypic.com/54zoy9.jpg

???

context/source?

IM:
http://i39.tinypic.com/54zoy9.jpg

That is facebook! I demand you add me as a friend!

Another thing you could do -and I'm just spit-balling here- fuck her mom.

momsex ftw

momsex ftw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZY9Ehxm78g&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZY9Ehxm78g&feature=related

Perfect.

Perfect.

momsex ftw :bigthumb:

http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j252/Tofuball/Random/Ds-p-bodylotion.jpg?t=1238155504

lmao... O-Eighthundred-hours-and-22-minutes... awaiting her arrival...


lol@the lotion pic.

You asses leave sex out of this... I'm saving myself for marriage.

Oh fenda, good point on the fishing line... I may get some smaller lb... and I thought of something funny to do with it:

-Rig a paper-clip in the ceiling to act kinda as a pulley.
-Tie fishing line to chair, run through paper clip (paper clip is looped), and something on the other end hidden.
-When she pulls the chair out, something flies up in the air.

Subject: That all you got?

some fishing line and packing peanuts???

Bravo on the peanuts…that was funny…





She's ASKING for more... lmao... I'll post-it her office this afternoon... I just got another e-mail that said "Are cars off-limits?"... ohshitohshit :(

you're in for it now....she did her research last night....make sure you check under your door handles for more lotion!

best thing to do to a vehicle when it is just below freezing it to take a spray bottle of water and coat the windshield....takes forever to scrape it. Too bad it is warm there

I can always color her windows with white shoe polish or write her cell # on them, bahahaha

P.S. the advantages of being me: I have access to the security cameras, so I've got a viewer up on 1 of the monitors watching my car... She doesn't know about that... I should probably go lock my car, I typically leave it unlocked.

She wants your cock...

She wants your cock...

Can you blame her?? :D

Pics so we can decide.... :suspect:


lol

Pics so we can decide.... :suspect:


lol

Posted new in the shit-talknig thread. flame on.

LMAO... I just printed a picture of a dragon that said "I am an angry dragon." (We were LOLing at the donkey-punch related shit on urbandictionary one day.)

From urbandictionary: Angry Dragon-Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.



This is the conversation that followed:
Me: Did you get your picture?
Her: that is hilarious…I paid no attention to the noise of the printer and I turned around to get something and saw my angry dragon!
Me: Moral of the story: You’ll never see the angry dragon coming…

hahahaha

Not to bring sex into this, but she does seem to want your dick. And on top of that, I bet she's taking all this playful pranking as flirting on your part. If you really don't want to fuck her, you might want to make it apparent. She's gonna feel really stupid if she makes the first move and you deny her. Best to come out of the closet now. ;)

I dunno, don't really care. I'm just focused on having fun with all of this shit... I'm loving it.


She has threatened my car again... :(

Do you have an alarm or panic button? set it off as soon as you see her near it on your security cam

Fuck. She got me.

I caught her out there too late, she was IN my car... I went out with paper towels, got it off of the door handles (I knew she'd put it in there)... but she was actually in my car, and I couldn't find it anywhere in there... but, I just thought that I didn't try the glove compartment or center console.

So I get back inside, my phone is ringing, I pick it up, this is about 1/4 of that shit, it went everywhere:


http://i41.tinypic.com/v7fkb8.jpg


P.S... the fucking lotion she used this time has pheromones or something in it... It's arousing... I'm not even joking.

The car thing was just a distraction to get me with the phone... she knew I'd sweat the car... She's smart...


EDIT: I locked her ass outside though for a few seconds, she didn't see that coming when she thought she had gotten away with the car deal... She died laughing.

Making my predictions now:

1. You're gonna lose this. You're gonna lose hard and the more you try, the more she will own you. At first, I thought we would be smart enough to pull you through, but now it looks like we're way too stupid for this. You're going to be stuck in the water alone in the end, facing the piercing laughter of the entire office, all because you trusted us at TFL to be brilliant enough to help.

2. You're gonna meet her huge 6-4 250lbs boyfriend soon. You don't know about him yet, but he's out there. He's what she's been hiding because she thinks she's tired of his shit, but in the end, she will run back to him like nothing happened if you cross that "I was just playing" line and she gets pissed from accidental ownage that you may, however unlikely, actually get. He's not gonna give a shit about your lack of intentions toward her, and will decide on his own that you two are already fucking around behind his back. He will be stupid enough to listen to her when she says you keep bugging her and she never wanted you to play jokes like that. He will then proceed to pummel you......hard.....over the course of this summer until not only you bleed, but can no longer face your other co-workers out of embarrassment.

The clock starts now...........

Making my predictions now:

1. You're gonna lose this. You're gonna lose hard and the more you try, the more she will own you. At first, I thought we would be smart enough to pull you through, but now it looks like we're way too stupid for this. You're going to be stuck in the water alone in the end, facing the piercing laughter of the entire office, all because you trusted us at TFL to be brilliant enough to help.

I will frustrate her, I keep hitting her with different shit... she just fucks with me and lotion. I will WIN.


2. You're gonna meet her huge 6-4 250lbs boyfriend soon. You don't know about him yet, but he's out there. He's what she's been hiding because she thinks she's tired of his shit, but in the end, she will run back to him like nothing happened if you cross that "I was just playing" line and she gets pissed from accidental ownage that you may, however unlikely, actually get. He's not gonna give a shit about your lack of intentions toward her, and will decide on his own that you two are already fucking around behind his back. He will be stupid enough to listen to her when she says you keep bugging her and she never wanted you to play jokes like that. He will then proceed to pummel you......hard.....over the course of this summer until not only you bleed, but can no longer face your other co-workers out of embarrassment.

The clock starts now...........
Well, I'm 6'3", 220, so the thought of a 6'4" 250lber isn't intimidating me much. I know her husband. In fact, I got hammered and stayed at their house a couple of weekends ago. He's a cool guy and knows about everything that's going on... in fact, I told him he needed to have a talk with his wife about messing with a man's car, you just don't do that shit. A large percentage of the shit-talking is on facebook, as well as pictures, and he's my "friend" and it's all visible. He hasn't said anything except "my girl keeps owning you" in a way challenging me to go further with it. I have my suspicions that maybe they have an "open" relationship... just picking up on things, but that isn't some shit you just ask someone.

Like I said, sex isn't on my mind with this... I'm just a mischevious person, always have been, and enjoy it. I should've told all of you it was a guy... :D

P.S. I think I could take him. hahahaha

Karma's a bitch (mailing me that book)

Karma's a bitch (mailing me that book)

LMAO I had forgotten about that man... that's throwback, a couple of years ago... that was funny as shit "Which one of you e-mailed me the bible..."

See what I mean? Always been mischevious...

Maybe he is interested in some 3 way man love with you

I knew someone was going to say that.


Less sex talk, more prank talk. :)

LOL...wouldn't be TFL without it

change the sounds her PC makes when doing different thing, not too harsh but could become an annoyance

Speakers get interference... she cuts them on occassionally to watch youtube videos... I should just disable her soundcard in device manager. It'd piss her off.

Someone come up with some funny ass mouse icons... that'd be hilarious.

I will frustrate her, I keep hitting her with different shit... she just fucks with me and lotion. I will WIN.



Well, I'm 6'3", 220, so the thought of a 6'4" 250lber isn't intimidating me much. I know her husband. In fact, I got hammered and stayed at their house a couple of weekends ago. He's a cool guy and knows about everything that's going on... in fact, I told him he needed to have a talk with his wife about messing with a man's car, you just don't do that shit. A large percentage of the shit-talking is on facebook, as well as pictures, and he's my "friend" and it's all visible. He hasn't said anything except "my girl keeps owning you" in a way challenging me to go further with it. I have my suspicions that maybe they have an "open" relationship... just picking up on things, but that isn't some shit you just ask someone.

Like I said, sex isn't on my mind with this... I'm just a mischevious person, always have been, and enjoy it. I should've told all of you it was a guy... :D

P.S. I think I could take him. hahahaha

Dammit, I was so sure about my predictions this time too.

Well, we'll just have to roll up the sleeves and figure this one out then. How about her make-up, do you have access to it? Maybe we could work some magic with that.

Put thumbtacks on her chair.
Rub your nuts on her keyboard/mouse.
Upload cp onto her computer.
Distribute her email address to Nigerian scammers.
Send her masked links to internetseriousbusiness.com.
Give her a wet willy/purple nurple/Indian burn.
Send her flowers contaminated with small pox.

flip the icons on her desktop upside down

Dammit, I was so sure about my predictions this time too.

Well, we'll just have to roll up the sleeves and figure this one out then. How about her make-up, do you have access to it? Maybe we could work some magic with that.

Make up is a possibility...



As far as the computer stuff... I forgot her password... I can change it, but she'd know... I'll see what I can do... If I get in there... it's on, but I can mess with her via group policy and anything that's an administrative change on the comptuer anyway.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jeisFzWzTk

I also like to fill it up with paper hole punches (confetti) so she has to clean up her desk. But I would use a full paperclip for the middle part...a lot safer and easier.

Cliff's notes:
-Covered her office in post-its, but may need to remove them before she gets there tomorrow because:

-Drama has occured.

Drama....as in HR has caught wind, and is putting the smack down?

So tell us, what happened????


If we helped get you into a mess then we may be able to help you get out of it, lol.

He PIITB

Nope... When the drama is on, Zero is gone...

Nope... When the drama is on, Zero is gone...

The drama. This ^ does not explain it...

What's up buttercup?

She wants his cock.

Long... long... story... but it seems to all be cool now...

Cliff Notes, plz.

Was she on the rag or something?

It's Monday late morning...what's the update, the suspense is killing us.

Probably the most view post in quite a while....help get the ratings up!

Yes Must Know!

It was alcohol-related drama, that's all.


Anyway, she called me an "ass" this morning when she saw everything in her office covered in post its... I'm waiting on retaliation :)

Man law prevents Zero from revealing the Man love that occurred.

We understand

My predictions came true, didn't they?

You can say it.

Alcohol + flirting = piidb over the weekend.

lmao

he aint denying it!

This thread isn't about sex... this thread is about revenge.


Revenge...sex...same thing. Anyway, if she keeps hitting you with that vanilla bean shit, you should tag her (or car interior???) with a shitload of that AXE body spray. Gotta be stealthy about it though...

Hm... not a bad idea... I should cover her car interior with the cologne that I wear... of cuorse, that may cause masturbation.

I don't see the problem....lol.

This mission is getting dangerous nao. One of these days you'll be walking by the supply closet and BAM! next think you know you'll be balls deep and giving her a creampie. Wear tight undies.

http://i44.tinypic.com/oeb85.jpg

^post it's owned...

Alright, the next prank: I bought this noise machine over the weekend with a fart chip, burp chip, and orgasm chip. I'm going to tape it under her chair, walk up to her office, hit the remote and make it fart... give her a weird looking face and just walk off...

Then I'll drop it her car and hit the orgasm button.


Good idea on the cologne...

Good idea on the cologne...

I'm sure her husband will love it. Nothing beats wifey coming home with man scent all over her...

Hopefully it doesn't cause any drama.

use coolwater

I do like that... I've wore nothing but abercrombie-fierce for a couple of years, it's been dubbed as "[my] smell."

It was alcohol-related drama, that's all.

must not be that big of a deal if the war is still happening.

ps. love the post its.

I'm open to more ideas... you guys see I have the balls to do it. :)

Access to a shrink wrap machine?
Shrink wrap everything in her office.

how'd the fishing line go?

The fishing line was too thick as fendamonkey pointed out... she saw it... doesn't mean I won't try it again :)

As far as the shrink wrap, I'd do aluminum foil instead... veryyyy time consuming though... she does have to vacation at some point though.

Haven't read the whole tread, but:

-Take a screenshot of her desktop, apply it as her background and uncheck the option to show desktop icons.
-Loosen the bolts to the tires on her car.
-Cut the breaklines on her car.
-Fill her entire office with cardboxes, styrofam etc.
-Start a rumor that she is cheating on her husband.
-Tell everyone that she is dying.

^ if you're gonna go that route you might as well superglue big black dildos (what the hell is the plural form of dildo?) all over her desk

Haven't read the whole tread, but:

-Take a screenshot of her desktop, apply it as her background and uncheck the option to show desktop icons.
-Loosen the bolts to the tires on her car.
-Cut the breaklines on her car.
-Fill her entire office with cardboxes, styrofam etc.
-Start a rumor that she is cheating on her husband.
-Tell everyone that she is dying.

At that point just stab her to death in cold blood and broad daylight. Then kick an orphan.

It was alcohol-related drama, that's all.


Anyway, she called me an "ass" this morning when she saw everything in her office covered in post its... I'm waiting on retaliation :)

Calling/texting/facebooking.

She wants Zero cock. 'Atta boy.

subscribed!

At that point just stab her to death in cold blood and broad daylight. Then kick an orphan.
A bit to far imo.
What you could do:

Go into her office with a really serious, sad expression. Don't say anything for about half a minute. Then say this: There's no easy way telling you this (try sounding a bit choked up), there's been an caraccident - paus - your husband is dead, Im sorry.

If she breakes down, comfort her, and after a while say this: HAHAHA got you!!!! Aprils fool!!!!

Oh she fucked me up today...

1: Covered the majority of shit in my office with aluminum foil.
2: Put vaseline on shit and I've got it on my hands 3 times.
3: She bought me a pink tea pot to make fun of me for drinking hot tea.
4: She did the fishing line trick to me, but it failed too...



The gloves are off!

You probably should be wearing latex gloves at all times....between the lotion and the Vaseline....Although maybe she wants your hands to be as smooth as a baby's bottom! She is buying you gifts now!

Seems as though you need to step up your game a little.

Fill her car with Styrofoam peanuts, that are soaked in your cologne.

Seems as though you need to step up your game a little.
Agreed...

Here's a couple of crappy pics of my desk: (Yes, it stays this messy)
http://i40.tinypic.com/23wvgjo.jpg
http://i42.tinypic.com/2hz05f4.jpg

See my teapot? :)

This is what I'm thinking next: Color the windows on her car white with shoe polish. :)

Mother fucker... tomorrow is April 1st and I forgot... Gotta hit her with something tomorrow...

Mother fucker... tomorrow is April 1st and I forgot... Gotta hit her with something tomorrow...


Too easy. Don't hit her with shit, she'll be expecting it all day. Thats even more win.

Too easy. Don't hit her with shit, she'll be expecting it all day. Thats even more win.

True, we play mind-game pranks on each other too... I threw something in her hair riding down the street today... she knocked it out... I then looked at her hair again, she started swatting it... and I got her again later.

She tried one on me, but I just laughed and forgot immediately. :)

I'm sure waiting for it will have her on edge...

I'm sure waiting for it will have her on edge...

Haha, yeah.. Just walk in and give her a big smile in the morning, chuckle a little bit, tell her to have a nice April 1st then walk away.

For sure... I'll mess with her head...

Explain to her the virus that is supposed to be unleashed tomorrow and tell her you need her PC for at least 20min....if she doesn't believe you send her a link explaining the virus. 20 min should be more then enough to mess with her head wondering what you did...but in all reality you did notthing

you need to go buy a can of sardines or kippered herring.

You need to get into her office with said can of sardines or kippered herring.

you need to insert some of them in various places around her office, like the a/c vent, or in the back of an empty file cabinet drawer. Maybe put one behind some office furniture she doesnt move around. dont put them anywhere that will ruin equipment, like inside a computer or anything.

Also, try one of these (http://www.stupid.com/fun/RRAT.html)

Look around her desk....does she have a cup with pens and pencils in it? Superglue them together into the cup. How about paperclips? Glue those too. The fax loop is classic and she apparently has her own fax machine in that office, I think.

Tie a piece of cord under her office chair to hold down the lever that adjusts the chair height. (When she sits on the chair it will slide all the way down, but as soon as she gets up the chair will rise all the way up.)

Get some clear nail polish and paint over the tip of all of her pens. They wont write at all. Or, glue the pen caps on. This one has the advantage of being right up your alley, what with the little pink teapot and all....

Take an item from her office (something she uses a lot such as a special coffee cup, stapler, pencil cup, etc.). Take a picture of the item and leave it on her desk (in the same spot where the item was located), along with a “ransom” note.

this one should be interesting....take like 2 dozen paper cups. Put them on her desk or floor. Staple them all together, and then fill them with water. When she goes to pick one up, she will end up spilling them all.

Leave a phone message for her that says that a “Mr. Lyon” called (or Mr. Behr also works), and wants to be called back. Then list the phone number of the local zoo.

Borrow her car keys and make a duplicate. Then, every day or so, move the car a few parking spaces over, or turn it around so it’s parked backwards in the space. Eventually start moving it to another part of the lot altogether.

here's a good one--fill a cup with water. hold a jumbo size note card over the cup and turn it over. Put it on her desk that way, then while holding the cup in place, slide the card out. the water should cause the cup to be stuck in place. When she lifts up the cup, water everywhere.

I like this one too--does she have a power strip in her office? If so, then plug a radio into it. Turn the power strip off at its switch, then turn the radio switch on and crank the volume all the way up. When she finds that her computer isnt working, and flicks on that switch, she'll need to go change her drawers.

lmao... some great ideas skydivr... i'll be reading this in the morning then going to her office before she gets in hopefully... she's actually altered her schedule for offense/defense...

Uh oh... husband isn't loving the "relationship" we have as he referred to it.


DEAR TFL, WAT SHUD I DEW???

http://www.ireport.com/ir-topic-stories.jspa?topicId=236220
hope it helps

Kick his ass and assfuck his woman...or assfuck him and kick his woman's ass. Either/or.

lol, didn't see that coming .......

Zero is now officially a home wrecker.

No sir... Zero answered that with "If I were in his shoes, I would probably be uncomfortable as well, I completely understand. If we need to talk less and what not, that's cool, you just let me know where everyones comfort zone is and I'll conform."


Oh shit. :D

She probably accidently screamed "OH ZERO" last time her hubby was piidb.

Lmao... you guys would fucking love the story, I can't put anyone on blast... although I LOL'd a bit even though it's serious...

srs? for reals?

He sees his woman making the moves on you, and you reciprocating. Flirting at an insanely high degree. Have a threesome.

Yeah.

Okay, so I just messed with some people with the fart machine.

1st Lady-Had it in my back pocket, remote in front-She pretended it didn't happen and kept talking to me. I explained it to her... she thought I was trying to cover up my fart so I had to demo it.

2nd person-stuck it under this guys desk, when he sat back down, 2 other people were there, I hit it... everyone laughed, then I said "damn dude... that thing sonuds like it's been tampered with"---hahahaha

I walked out into the hallway, 2 ladies standing there... I hit it and made a "fart face"... one yelled my name, the other's mouth hit the floor... she was shocked, he said "HE DID NOT JUST DO THAT" and was getting angry until I explained it wasn't real.

I then walked into my partner-in-crimes office (the one this thread is about), with it in my back pocket... I made a face at her, then hit it... she diedddddddddd laughing. I must get it in her car with the orgasm chip soon.

loller coaster

Wish I could've got a pic of the woman's jaw hitting the floor, she was offended... it was awesome.

Yeah.

Okay, so I just messed with some people with the fart machine.

1st Lady-Had it in my back pocket, remote in front-She pretended it didn't happen and kept talking to me. I explained it to her... she thought I was trying to cover up my fart so I had to demo it.

2nd person-stuck it under this guys desk, when he sat back down, 2 other people were there, I hit it... everyone laughed, then I said "damn dude... that thing sonuds like it's been tampered with"---hahahaha

I walked out into the hallway, 2 ladies standing there... I hit it and made a "fart face"... one yelled my name, the other's mouth hit the floor... she was shocked, he said "HE DID NOT JUST DO THAT" and was getting angry until I explained it wasn't real.

I then walked into my partner-in-crimes office (the one this thread is about), with it in my back pocket... I made a face at her, then hit it... she diedddddddddd laughing. I must get it in her car with the orgasm chip soon.

Rofl! Do it. Make sure she's on the phone with her hubby.

Guess the story has fizzled for now....or maybe Zero left for a few weeks again?

Guess the story has fizzled for now....or maybe Zero left for a few weeks again?

lmao... oh this story is epic funny... I'll wait to see how it ends before I tell... I'm not putting anyone on blast yet, but we'll see how this all plays out...

He boned her.

Totally. In the ass.

Some of this shit is so outrageous... I hope I can remember it all when I do tell this story... :rofl:

Her husband also went ballistic, and she now lives with him.

Lol... I feel fuckin' colossal...

CMON DUDE! quit stringing us along!

God dammit!