14 applications out, 8 interviews, three sets of church clothes, 35 gallons of gas, 16 resumes out, zero jobs.

"Oh gee, you'd be a great worker, Dave, you've got a great job history, a few years of college, and you've done lots of things to make you more qualified at more things than I can count, but huh.... you just don't seem to be what we're looking for."

I applied at Wal Mart. Yeah, I know. The place where fucking idiots with three teeth and maybe a GED work. They had five openings, I interviewed for a hardware/automotive/sports position. All I ever do is fix my car and fix my parents' house. I've had jobs doing building maintenance, even. And no. No job, not even Wal Mart. I shouldn't say that, I guess, I did get a job at UPS, but after taxes and gas money (90 miles a day, round trip), I'd be making about $9, busting my ass for four hours ain't worth $9, even if it's better than $0.

Honesty, what am I doing wrong? I'm getting a little disheartened. I even had my resume put together by a pro, just so it was a bit more beefed up.

I need beer.

did you cut your hair?

Eight of them!

haha edited while you were typing....you should go work at menards

The distribution center here is always hiring, so are the stores. Hell go apply at places that aren't hiring, maybe you'll get lucky

And I have a haircut, and I've been shaving, except for the goatee, but that looks good these days.

I have not applied at Menards yet, but I did do Home Depot and Lowes.

Hmm, do you have bad people skillz

I'm very good people skills.

three sets of church clothes

That could be your issue right there. Maybe you were just too dressed up when went to that interview at Walmart?

Usually you want to be dressed at least one step above what the people interviewing you are.

Say if the position is business casual you want to at least wear a shirt and tie.

I always wear a tie and everything, I don't have a full suit, though.

Body language. Walk in like you own the place. Carry the charisma, be confident, use stearn hand-shakes. Let them know that you are superior to everyone there and that they NEED you.

You'd be surprised.

Zero is right. Alpha Male it up for them.


Oh and another problem may be location, location, location.

I wear a tie in the shower.

I also shave my head with a lawnmower blade and then wax and buff it in a bowling ball buffer.

I wear a tie in the shower.

I also shave my head with a lawnmower blade and then wax and buff it in a bowling ball buffer.


THAT my friend is fucking ALPHA.

Body language. Walk in like you own the place. Carry the charisma, be confident, use stearn hand-shakes. Let them know that you are superior to everyone there and that they NEED you.

You'd be surprised.

I do it ALL. I always have. I'm a very confident guy, especially when money comes into order. Is it the whole college dropout/maybe student thing? I'm not going to be going back to school if I can't get a job. And if I don't go to school my parents kick me out.

And the whole thing where I last worked just pisses me off. I worked there for nearly a full year and I left in early February I left to go back to college full time. My supervisor promised me a job this summer. His boss agreed, because I'm a fucking awesome worker. Well, somebody in human resources disagrees, I guess, because even though I've reapplied, like a newbie, I've got a year's worth of experience on all new applicants.

I just don't get it..

Oh and another problem may be location, location, location.

He got denied at wal-mart, something is really wrong with either verbal or non-verbal signals he's sending. If qualifications were all that mattered, an interview wouldn't be necessary, simply a resume listing the qualifications would suffice.

Hell, we hired a new CFO at my company, and paid for him to fly up for 3 separate interviews from Atlanta. Interviews and face time are very important in the business world. In medium-sized companies, the interviews are really important to make sure you will fit in within the business. It's kind of sad to say, but if your attitude and "you" in general just don't fit in, it affects producitivity.

As far as wal-mart, I think the interviews are more centered around making sure you are actually physically presentable and have decent hygiene. Sometimes things that you are ignorant too can send the wrong vibes to people.

There's little things that you can do that go a long way though. For example, if you were to get hired in an office scenario where you aren't "fitting" in the best socially... put a candy dish on your desk. Simply, it makes you more approachable and people are more apt to feel comfortable with you. Chocolate is soothing to humans as well, and people will associate the "soothing" as a cause-effect of coming to you.

It may sound crazy... but... I've seen it work for people. The candy thing is a really big ice-breaker.

(I'm the guy that'll eat all of your candy spark a conversation about something personal I see on your desk. We will then feel more comfortable working together on business matters. Please don't ban me from your office when I eat excessive amounts of hershey minis.)

Ever thought about taking up prostitution? Oldest profession in the world.

I do it ALL. I always have. I'm a very confident guy, especially when money comes into order. Is it the whole college dropout/maybe student thing? I'm not going to be going back to school if I can't get a job. And if I don't go to school my parents kick me out.
If you're insecure about it, you will send the wrong non-verbal signals whether you realize it or not. If you are insecure about dropping out, fix it.

And the whole thing where I last worked just pisses me off. I worked there for nearly a full year and I left in early February I left to go back to college full time. My supervisor promised me a job this summer. His boss agreed, because I'm a fucking awesome worker. Well, somebody in human resources disagrees, I guess, because even though I've reapplied, like a newbie, I've got a year's worth of experience on all new applicants.

I just don't get it..
Yup, and I recently saw a guy that was PERFECT for a job get denied because he worked there before and left... his loyalty was in question. Logically, he was the BEST person for the job in the world. However, as you can see, people, especially the HR bunch are funny about shit. There were 2 objectives that needed to be covered, he was FAR more knowledgable about one part than maybe 3 more people in the world. (he worked for a company whose software product we used, he helped with the implementation of it into databases and knew it in and out, along with the business aspect of it.)

There is no correct right or wrong when it comes to these things...

(I'm the guy that'll eat all of your candy spark a conversation about something personal I see on your desk. We will then feel more comfortable working together on business matters. Please don't ban me from your office when I eat excessive amounts of hershey minis.)

If you hire me at your office, I'll give you Lindt truffles. Fuck hershy minis.

You could always sell Meth.

I dig your selective bullshit. If I were black, I'd call you my nigga, but I'm white, and my "a" is an "er," because I'm educated. And well... I don't own you. Even though my mom's family used to...

Anyway, keep up your selective BS work.

^From another thread.

Whether you believe it or not, people give vibes, some of which are scent-based. Have you ever been around a person that you just feel is full of love, and an amazing person that has no bad intentions whatsoever? This guy will always be hired over the guy that gives the vibe he may be selfish, full of hatred, etc.

Your personality will carry you a long way with most anything. If you're the guy that runs around yelling "******", "faggot", and belittling people in general without an ounce of guilt, you WILL give off negative vibes to people. Others will always "feel" things about you.

Too much work. (directed to revn)

And I don't do the whole racism thing. He and I had a thing, it's a joke. I called him boy, and didn't know he was black.


Good times.

Zero makes quite a few valid points. From all the interviews I've had in the past few years, I've realized that some places you just will not fit in. And that is what the first interview does, weeds those people out.

I went to one last year at a hospital, would have been shirt and tie 5 days a week, my hobbies were far from what the other interviewers liked to do, and I am sure that played a part. Plus I am pretty sure they were hiring from within and my interview was just a formality.

If you hire me at your office, I'll give you Lindt truffles. Fuck hershy minis.

The HR chick has hershey minis. This administrative assistant lady has butterfingers and baby ruth. The receptionist has peppermints. The chick in finance right under the CFO always has bad ass candy, but hidden, so I have to ask. I'm covered. :)


How come no guys have candy? WTF, I just realized this. I'll have to do some social study to figure out why.

Hire me and I'll have fucking Subway.

Too much work. (directed to revn)

And I don't do the whole racism thing. He and I had a thing, it's a joke. I called him boy, and didn't know he was black.


Good times.


WTF? Im whiter than you...

I don't have candy on my desk because no one is around at night and if I did all the day people would take it while I'm gone!!

One other thing that in a technical type job, you need to prove that you are trainable and adaptable to whatever they throw at you. Your ability to learn sometimes has greater weight then how many certificates you have.

WTF? Im whiter than you...

I knew it!

It was all a part of my ploy!

Muhahahahahahahaha!

My mom's family did own slaves though.

I don't have candy on my desk because no one is around at night and if I did all the day people would take it while I'm gone!!

One other thing that in a technical type job, you need to prove that you are trainable and adaptable to whatever they throw at you. Your ability to learn sometimes has greater weight then how many certificates you have.

Being a college dropout probably shows you aren't a good learner. But I am. After I do something once, I remember it.

Do some research on the people who are doing the hiring. One of them has a skeleton in the closet. Threaten to expose a gay relationship to a wife or something of that nature. You'll be on top of the game in no time!

Do some research on the people who are doing the hiring. One of them has a skeleton in the closet. Threaten to expose a gay relationship to a wife or something of that nature. You'll be on top of the game in no time!


No.



-Ted

I don't know about that really having an adverse effect. Have you had a lot of jobs for a short period of time?

Panhandle in front of that WalMart that wouldn't hire you. I heard those guys make serious jack.

All the wal-marts around here say 'no soliciting'

I don't know about that really having an adverse effect. Have you had a lot of jobs for a short period of time?

My first jobs was like 2.5 years, at a telephone company, during HS. Then a summer job, then my (almost) full year of big boy work. No jumping around, no nothing.

Do you smell funny?

All the wal-marts around here say 'no soliciting'

Yah just stand in the median on the road going in, thats what they do here.

perhaps you smell of salad and toast?

All the wal-marts around here say 'no soliciting'

I'll sell them "no soliciting" signs. It's so crazy it just might work.

Honestly, I'd love to start a restaurant, like a bistro, or something. Coffee and good food, etc... But I have no starter money.

I'll sell them "no soliciting" signs. It's so crazy it just might work.

Honestly, I'd love to start a restaurant, like a bistro, or something. Coffee and good food, etc... But I have no starter money.

Pimp ho's on Craigslist.

I don't have candy on my desk because no one is around at night and if I did all the day people would take it while I'm gone!!

One other thing that in a technical type job, you need to prove that you are trainable and adaptable to whatever they throw at you. Your ability to learn sometimes has greater weight then how many certificates you have.

Yup. In IT, understanding concepts over details is crucial. If you understand concepts and can learn on the fly... you're gold. Too many people in IT try to memorize microscopic facts rather than understanding the mechanics of HOW and WHY things work.

Certificates are a joke now for the most part. The biggest obstacle is landing the first job, PROVING you can do well, and having people in that company back you up on it. Experience is the key, don't fuck up the first go round. You won't make loads of money the first 3-5 years of IT usually, regardless if you have a masters degree or you worked in the electronics dept at wal-mart. Without experience, you aren't shit in this world, because classroom is COMPLETELY different than real-world, working with proprietary software, different vendor packages, and different people. Showing you make shit happen is worth more than most any classroom credential. However, after that, your $$$ depends on what you did in previous jobs, and who will verify it for you. That can be taken away easily from you, a masters degree can't.

What I do, is a $40,000 - $150,000 job. Half assed, $40,000. Full-blown know every little detail with security clearances, $150,000 all day in NOVA. I don't want that bullshit though, so I highly doubt I'll ever reach six-figures, but, I will be near that, living comfortably, and doing a job that I enjoy.

I'm really not a suit, volvo-driving, golf-playing guy, and I won't fit in within large companies. This will be a handicap to my earnings potential, but, I will obtain a very comfortable life and be in a situation where I am happy with my job.

I'll sell them "no soliciting" signs. It's so crazy it just might work.

Honestly, I'd love to start a restaurant, like a bistro, or something. Coffee and good food, etc... But I have no starter money.

If that's what you want, make it happen. First step, you realize that you need starter money. Second step, figure out how to obtain that starter money and be prepared to put the time and work into it.

If you aren't willing to do that, then you don't want it too bad.

Zero speaks the truth

I've learned more on the job then I ever could have in school, plus school was sort of a joke to me. I had more non IT related responsibilities at the first job I had. I wired production machines, PLCs, power supplies and logic boards.

The only thing that worries me is that I may be starting my 3rd job in less then 10 years. I realize that once you have mastered everything at your job and are not learning any more it is time to move on, however some companies are still in the old mind set that someone should stay at a job for 20+ years. In order to stay ahead in the IT industry you need to be well rounded and have a wide array of experiences and be able to bring something to the table.

Problem with starting a business right now is that the banks are being shitheads about lending. You need to find a good Venture Capitalist/Investor and strike a deal with them. And it takes a shitload of cash to start a decent restaurant. Oh and the average failure rate for restaurants now is a little over 60% which is down quite a bit from what it used to be. You have to find something unique and run with it. My wife is looking to start a small cafe and it has been a wild ride so far. But its possible if you want it enough.

Open up a George Webb's

It's just a pipe dream.

Ever been to Webb's....they want like 250k just for the franchise, unbelievable

I've learned more on the job then I ever could have in school, plus school was sort of a joke to me. I had more non IT related responsibilities at the first job I had. I wired production machines, PLCs, power supplies and logic boards.

The only thing that worries me is that I may be starting my 3rd job in less then 10 years. I realize that once you have mastered everything at your job and are not learning any more it is time to move on, however some companies are still in the old mind set that someone should stay at a job for 20+ years. In order to stay ahead in the IT industry you need to be well rounded and have a wide array of experiences and be able to bring something to the table.

Do what I've done, implement new technology where you're at. I can honestly say if I leave my job tomorrow, on the IT side, they are in far greater shape than when I came there, with much of the credit to go to me. If you can come up with a technological idea that will cost money up front, but will prove to save money in the long run, you'll be a shining star... if it works, if not, you'll be fired. :)

Little things that make life easier technology-wise for people go a long way. That can be pretty hard to implement if you aren't calling the shots though. I don't have to deal with a pain-in-the-ass boss, so I don't know. My boss trusts me, listens to me, and even validates his ideas by discussing them with me if it's anything network, http, pc, communications, etc related... pretty much anything but the database side, and I don't want anything to do with that mess. :)

That type of relationship has lead to LOTS of improvements. Neither of us have a superiority-complex, yearn for pat on the backs, or get involved in pissing contests. We both genuinely want to do what is best for the company. In the long run, that is visible to people and they do appreciate it. The manager of the programming/database side couldn't give two shits. He's just there to get through the day and do enough to keep a job. Likewise, it's visible. He is an extremely nice guy though.

Okay, getting up at 6:30 for a fun day in BFE NC. NOS for breakfast it is, mmm.

Problem with starting a business right now is that the banks are being shitheads about lending. You need to find a good Venture Capitalist/Investor and strike a deal with them. And it takes a shitload of cash to start a decent restaurant. Oh and the average failure rate for restaurants now is a little over 60% which is down quite a bit from what it used to be. You have to find something unique and run with it. My wife is looking to start a small cafe and it has been a wild ride so far. But its possible if you want it enough.

There's one big thing about finance that I've learned... if you're good at it, you can make a shitload of money. There's big money in managing other peoples money.

Sleep in the car.

Do what I've done, implement new technology where you're at. I can honestly say if I leave my job tomorrow, on the IT side, they are in far greater shape than when I came there, with much of the credit to go to me. If you can come up with a technological idea that will cost money up front, but will prove to save money in the long run, you'll be a shining star... if it works, if not, you'll be fired. :)

Unfortunately where I am at now is extremely budget restricted, no new PC adds, no new equipment....


Little things that make life easier technology-wise for people go a long way. That can be pretty hard to implement if you aren't calling the shots though. I don't have to deal with a pain-in-the-ass boss, so I don't know. My boss trusts me, listens to me, and even validates his ideas by discussing them with me if it's anything network, http, pc, communications, etc related... pretty much anything but the database side, and I don't want anything to do with that mess. :)

You take the words right out my mouth. Not that I haven't or do occasionally I will never be a programmer of any sort!!

God, computer programming is what started me on this downward spiral.

I'm feeling pathetic.

just give it some more time... a job will come around...

Post/pm me your resume. I have excellent technical-writing skills, I don't mind revising it for you. Just in case

I don't have a power strip right now. The desktop is one without internet since mid April. Simple fix, just too busy applying for jobs to fix it.

move to Vancouver. There's a rediculous amount of jobs here, right now.

*UPDATE*

So yesterday, my girlfriend took me job hunting (and bought lunch) and we got eight more applications, I think. Three grocery stores, Radio Shack, a movie rental place, Sara Lee Foods, Dairy Queen, Walgreens, and Alltel. I also got an interview next week for a cold warehouse, which seems very promising.

And my rezoom:

http://wotnartd.tripod.com/resume_TFL.doc

I'm very good people skills.

I have people skills!!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4OvQIGDg4I&feature=related)

And my rezoom:

http://wotnartd.tripod.com/resume_TFL.doc

Your resume needs some serious overhauling. If that was on my desk, I would have stopped reading after the heading "DAVID TRANTOW-RESUME".

It's not a school assignment, you don't have to write "resume" at the top.

A short sentence for a summary is fine, not the paragraph that you wrote. Your summary should basically be a concise little career goal, let them know what you want to do whether or not it is bullshit.

Key traits? Dump it, or at least change the title and put it at the absolute end. You education should be at the top, your work experience should follow. Also, when discussing your work experience stay away from meaningless words. Most people want to see what you accomplished during your last job. I could give a fuck if some guy "successfully filed paperwork according to code". Now, if through filing paper work that guy increased the efficiency of an entire department, that is something worth looking at.

Another hard and fast rule, keep your resume to a single page. Don't use weird fonts either.

Wow, that resume fucking sucks. This is what you need, with more changes in red. The rest of it is stupid filler that is meaningless or redundant. For some reason, I can't upload it as a document, so I screen captured the changes I made. You can add a one sentence objective between your name/address and your job history, but the other stuff screams: "Hire me, I'm desparate!" For example, my resume has an objective which reads "Seeking challenging employment in a fast-paced, progressive medical laboratory." That's it.

Rule #1: Never use a font size bigger than 12.
Rule #2: Work experience goes first when you have more than 2 jobs.
Rule #3: Nobody gives a flying fuck about your hobbies, interests, or whatever.
Rule #4: Bullets are for when you have something that is really worth bulleting. You don't have that.


DAVID TRANTOW

MY ADDRESS AND STUFF YOU DON'T GET



Work Experience


Manawa Telecom
Manawa, WI
10/2003-05/2005
General Assistant
• Helped locate, install and repair underground cable.
• Installed phone and/or cable television service on customers’ property.
• Detailed company trucks on weekends during the school year.Ugh. Change to: Responsibilities included locating, installing, and repairing underground cable, vehicle maintenance, and extensive customer service.


Banta Book Group
Menasha, WI
06/2006-09/2006
General Maintenance Assistant
• Trained on forklift, many hours experience.
• Provided building maintenance and printing press upkeep.
• Operated paper bailing equipment as needed.
• Performed janitorial work when necessary.OK, these four bullets make it sound like you are nothing more than a trained monkey. Change to: Responsibilities included forklift operation, printing press upkeep, and general facility maintenance.


Sturm Foods
Manawa, WI
03/2007-02/2008
General Warehouse Worker
• Thoroughly trained and certified on forklift and Raymond turret lift.No shit? Certified generally implies you are thoroughly trained. REDUNDANT!
• Knowledgeable of GMP standards.
• Hundreds of hours of case picking and pallet building experience.
• Experience using the Manhattan Warehouse computer system.All this can be combined: Experienced with case picking, pallet building, the Manhattan Warehouse computer system, and compliance with GMP standards.


Education

02-2008-05/2008 University of Wisconsin Fox Valley Menasha, WI

09/2005-12/2006 Michigan Technological University Houghton, MI
-Basic fundamentals of engineering.

05/2005, Graduate Little Wolf High School, Manawa, WI
-High School Diploma – With Honors

ima revamp that for you later. It does need a bunch of work.

How come no guys have candy? WTF, I just realized this. I'll have to do some social study to figure out why.

I keep a 4 pound bag of Jolly Ranchers hidden in my cabinet in the lab. I pick out all the apple and watermelon and throw them in the community candy jar, and the blue raspberry, grape and cherry I keep for myself.

Wow, that resume fucking sucks. This is what you need, with more changes in red. The rest of it is stupid filler that is meaningless or redundant. For some reason, I can't upload it as a document, so I screen captured the changes I made. You can add a one sentence objective between your name/address and your job history, but the other stuff screams: "Hire me, I'm desparate!" For example, my resume has an objective which reads "Seeking challenging employment in a fast-paced, progressive medical laboratory." That's it.

Rule #1: Never use a font size bigger than 12.
Rule #2: Work experience goes first when you have more than 2 jobs.
Rule #3: Nobody gives a flying fuck about your hobbies, interests, or whatever.
Rule #4: Bullets are for when you have something that is really worth bulleting. You don't have that.


DAVID TRANTOW

MY ADDRESS AND STUFF YOU DON'T GET



Work Experience


Manawa Telecom
Manawa, WI
10/2003-05/2005
General Assistant
• Helped locate, install and repair underground cable.
• Installed phone and/or cable television service on customers’ property.
• Detailed company trucks on weekends during the school year.Ugh. Change to: Responsibilities included locating, installing, and repairing underground cable, vehicle maintenance, and extensive customer service.


Banta Book Group
Menasha, WI
06/2006-09/2006
General Maintenance Assistant
• Trained on forklift, many hours experience.
• Provided building maintenance and printing press upkeep.
• Operated paper bailing equipment as needed.
• Performed janitorial work when necessary.OK, these four bullets make it sound like you are nothing more than a trained monkey. Change to: Responsibilities included forklift operation, printing press upkeep, and general facility maintenance.


Sturm Foods
Manawa, WI
03/2007-02/2008
General Warehouse Worker
• Thoroughly trained and certified on forklift and Raymond turret lift.No shit? Certified generally implies you are thoroughly trained. REDUNDANT!
• Knowledgeable of GMP standards.
• Hundreds of hours of case picking and pallet building experience.
• Experience using the Manhattan Warehouse computer system.All this can be combined: Experienced with case picking, pallet building, the Manhattan Warehouse computer system, and compliance with GMP standards.


Education

02-2008-05/2008 University of Wisconsin Fox Valley Menasha, WI

09/2005-12/2006 Michigan Technological University Houghton, MI
-Basic fundamentals of engineering.

05/2005, Graduate Little Wolf High School, Manawa, WI
-High School Diploma – With Honors

Will you do my resume for me?

I disagree about not putting in your interests. Ask people who conduct interviews and they will often tell you that interests and hobbies ocasionally get them interested enough to ask for an interview. Just make sure that your interests are the very last section of your resume.

putting in interests is HUGE. It's one of the most under-rated parts of a resume. Shows you're an actual person.

putting in interests is HUGE. It's one of the most under-rated parts of a resume. Shows you're an actual person.

Any time I've hired staff, the LAST thing I cared about was interests. And, I've hired over 30 people at various places.

You know how I judge if someone is an actual person? Appearance. Grammar and spelling on their resume. Being punctual for an interview... And by punctual, I mean 15 minutes early.

I don't give a fuck if you like restoring cars, jerking off to porn, whatever... When I'm hiring, I'm looking to find the candidate who most fulfills the needs of the position. Basket weaving, candle making, engine swaps... Means less than nothing.

Yeah, but think about it this way, you have to hire for a given position and you've got over 20 resumes that all look exactly the same. Then you come across someone's resume and it says under their interests that they enjoy bull-fighting on weekends (or something stupid like that). More than likely it will stand out and make you want to interview the person. I'm not saying that you would hire based on their interests, but it could make you more likely to give them an interview.

Yeah, but think about it this way, you have to hire for a given position and you've got over 20 resumes that all look exactly the same. Then you come across someone's resume and it says under their interests that they enjoy bull-fighting on weekends (or something stupid like that). More than likely it will stand out and make you want to interview the person. I'm not saying that you would hire based on their interests, but it could make you more likely to give them an interview.

Any time I look at a position, I interview the top 5 candidates based on experience first. I may ask about interests and hobbies while they are in there, but you have to leave out some stuff to get the interviewer to ask you more than the regular questions. Looking at Dave's hideous resume, he has attempted to answer every possible question an interviewer could ask, and it looks like he's completely over-selling himself.

If you think that's over selling, you've yet to speak to me. I've done so much crap at all my jobs. All the machinery I can drive, and there is a difference between being certified and being trained. Certification is watching a video for 20 minutes and getting a card. Training is two hours with an instructor.

No, no, no. I'm talking about this useless drivel:

Key Traits/Skills

• Detail oriented, quick to learn, and diligent, efficient worker, as demonstrated by work performance.
• Likable and flexible. Interact positively with people at all levels as well as internal or external
contacts. Work well independently or as a team member.
• Good communication skills (verbal/visual/written).
• Good understanding of computers, Internet, and various software programs.
• Operate forklift and paper bailing equipment and can install/repair cable service lines.

Key Accomplishments

• Received positive feedback and marks from employers for excellent job performance and reliability.
• Effectively coordinated, managed and completed all job tasks by deadlines.
• Graduated from high school with honors and was awarded several scholarships.
• Achieved National Honor Society for both junior and senior years.
• Designed/produced logo for Heart 2 Heart, a charity based in Manawa, WI for children with medical needs.
• Initiated fundraising ideas and raised money for Heart 2 Heart. Was featured in local newspaper.
• Achieved Life Scout. Also was Assistant Scoutmaster for Troop 638 in Manawa, WI.
• Worked with the Cindy Ingalls Benefit sponsored by Community Benefit Tree, Kaukauna, WI.

That stuff is generally worthless. And, rather than put it last, you put it first.

Dude, your resume is like the window sticker on a car. What do you want to see first? Engine, transmission, horsepower, or how many cupholders there are?

Your resume is selling you to an employer. As an employer, let me tell you my initial thoughts when I read this, ok? Seriously. I'm not doing this to be a dick, I'm trying to help you out.



• Detail oriented, quick to learn, and diligent, efficient worker, as demonstrated by work performance.

That's great that you think so, but don't you think that should be up to me to decide, or possibly to ascertain when I call your three references?

• Likable and flexible. Interact positively with people at all levels as well as internal or external contacts. Work well independently or as a team member.

Says you. Your opinion of how likable you are is about as valid as your opinion of how good you are in bed. Seriously.

• Good communication skills (verbal/visual/written).

Which would be better served by proving in an interview, not on a resume.

• Good understanding of computers, Internet, and various software programs.

This is somewhat helpful. However, you should have a section at the bottom of the page with "Skilled in the use of Excel, Word, Office,..." Leave out the internet. Why? Because I'm going to think you're spending your time at work fucking around online.

• Operate forklift and paper bailing equipment and can install/repair cable service lines.

Remember what I said about REDUNDANT? You have that listed as your experience at one job. It's not that impressive as work experience, it's definitely not worth listing twice.

Key Accomplishments

• Received positive feedback and marks from employers for excellent job performance and reliability.
• Effectively coordinated, managed and completed all job tasks by deadlines.

Dude, you consider doing your job the way you are supposed to a "key accomplishment"???

:rofl:

• Graduated from high school with honors and was awarded several scholarships.

Yes, I know about the high school, you listed it under education. Again, not worth mentioning twice. Since you've done nothing with your college, the scholarships are probably better off not mentioning.

• Achieved National Honor Society for both junior and senior years.

That's better off down in education with your "with honors" stuff, but again, I worry about redundancy.

• Designed/produced logo for Heart 2 Heart, a charity based in Manawa, WI for children with medical needs.

• Initiated fundraising ideas and raised money for Heart 2 Heart. Was featured in local newspaper.

Now it seems like you are looking for filler. This is the part where as a prospective employer, I put you in the "Do Not Call" file. Is this stuff good? Yes. Is charity work good? Yes. Is it a positive thing? Yes. Do you put it on your resume? FUCK NO.

• Achieved Life Scout. Also was Assistant Scoutmaster for Troop 638 in Manawa, WI.
• Worked with the Cindy Ingalls Benefit sponsored by Community Benefit Tree, Kaukauna, WI.

Again, filler. Yippee. This doesn't belong on a resume, either. What the hell does any of that have to do with the job? I want to see solid skills that can be applied to a work setting, not scattered, random stuff.

EDIT: Wait, I forgot this shit, too:

QUALIFICATIONS SUMMARY

Positive, hardworking and reliable employee with two years of college, plus three and a half years full- and/or part-time work experience in telecommunications, publishing, and food warehousing industries. Successfully worked with equipment operations (forklift, Raymond turret lift, phone/cable service installation/repair, and paper bailing equipment), along with other assigned responsibilities. Graduated from high school with honors, achieved Life Scout rank, and volunteered with various charitable organizations.

Dude, you have now put everything in your resume AT LEAST twice. Sometimes THREE times. UGH.

No, no, no. I'm talking about this useless drivel:



That stuff is generally worthless. And, rather than put it last, you put it first.

Dude, your resume is like the window sticker on a car. What do you want to see first? Engine, transmission, horsepower, or how many cupholders there are?

Your resume is selling you to an employer. As an employer, let me tell you my initial thoughts when I read this, ok? Seriously. I'm not doing this to be a dick, I'm trying to help you out.





That's great that you think so, but don't you think that should be up to me to decide, or possibly to ascertain when I call your three references?



Says you. Your opinion of how likable you are is about as valid as your opinion of how good you are in bed. Seriously.



Which would be better served by proving in an interview, not on a resume.



This is somewhat helpful. However, you should have a section at the bottom of the page with "Skilled in the use of Excel, Word, Office,..." Leave out the internet. Why? Because I'm going to think you're spending your time at work fucking around online.



Remember what I said about REDUNDANT? You have that listed as your experience at one job. It's not that impressive as work experience, it's definitely not worth listing twice.



Dude, you consider doing your job the way you are supposed to a "key accomplishment"???

:rofl:



Yes, I know about the high school, you listed it under education. Again, not worth mentioning twice. Since you've done nothing with your college, the scholarships are probably better off not mentioning.



That's better off down in education with your "with honors" stuff, but again, I worry about redundancy.





Now it seems like you are looking for filler. This is the part where as a prospective employer, I put you in the "Do Not Call" file. Is this stuff good? Yes. Is charity work good? Yes. Is it a positive thing? Yes. Do you put it on your resume? FUCK NO.



Again, filler. Yippee. This doesn't belong on a resume, either. What the hell does any of that have to do with the job? I want to see solid skills that can be applied to a work setting, not scattered, random stuff.

You're lucky this isn't in smacktalk SkyDivr.

I just looked at your resume. Some of the issues have already been touched on, but I would also suggest making it more results oriented. For example, rather than just describing what tasks you performed at a previous place of employment, explain how you benefited this company. Say something like "improved efficiency by 15% by successfully intergrating blah blah blah..." It doesn't have to be true to the letter, just something that makes it seem like you did more than simply show up to work on time.

I don't know, my resume seemed to work just fine. Got a call back from Sara Lee today, seriously hours after turning the resume in. Randstad called me today, also, had a few more questions, interview is still next week, Tuesday. Radio Shack manager said he'd like to interview me, too. So that's... three interviews set up in two days.

But thanks for the criticism.

Now, here is a sample of my resume:

Objective
Seeking employment in a progressive, challenging Medical Laboratory, with the potential for added responsibility and promotion.

12/2006 - Present
Medical Technologist
XYZ Hospital
Rhode Island

Sole Laboratory Technologist at The Cancer Center. Responsibilities include venipuncture of patients, performing hematology and ELISA testing, processing samples, and performing manual differentials on specimens with highly abnormal morphology.

11/2005 - 12/2006
Medical Technologist
XYZ Lab
Massachusetts

Responsible for typing, screening, and crossmatching patients in a hospital with a Level I trauma center.

3/2005 - 11/2005
Manager, Laboratory Support Services
XYZ Hospital
Connecticut

Direct supervision of 70 employees as well as all phlebotomy and specimen processing procedures in a 500 bed tertiary care hospital. Responsible for complete centralization of phlebotomy practices from a decentralized model.

10/2003 - 3/2005
Laboratory Technologist
XYZ Hospital
Connecticut

As a second shift Laboratory Technologist, provide rotating coverage through all areas of the clinical Lab, including testing in Blood Bank, Hematology, Chemistry, Urinalysis, and Coagulation Studies. Additional duties include phlebotomy on both in- and out-patients, trouble shooting analyzers and processing mail-out specimens.

2/2001 - 6/2003
Laboratory Technologist
Naval Submarine Base
Connecticut

Trained in all areas of the clinical laboratory, including Chemistry, Microbiology, Serology, Hematology, Urinalysis, and Coagulation. Supervised Hematology for the final 7 months of my tour. Trained all incoming personnel in Hematology, Coagulation, and Urinalysis. Reviewed abnormal results, performed correlation studies on both reagents and analyzers, and administered proficiency testing to other technicians.

Performed search and rescue at the World Trade Center on September 11.

Education

Naval School Of Health Sciences
San Diego, CA
Associate Degree, 1/2001


Affiliations Note: This is my professional licensure, this isn't some club or something.

ASCP Member
1/2001 - Present



Other Skills

American Sign Language Fluent - Full Knowledge

That's it. Simple, clear, to the point. No nonsense, no bullshit.

yeah, but your formatting sucks :P

You're lucky this isn't in smacktalk SkyDivr.

Dude, what the fuck are you talking about?

yeah, but your formatting sucks :)

It looks more impressive through Word. :) Cut n' paste on the forum takes something away, ya know?

Other Skills

American Sign Language Fluent - Full Knowledge

Can you read this:



DAVE IS A RETARD! DAVE IS A RETARD! DAVE IS A RETARD!

Can you read this? ^^^^^^

Can you read this? ^^^^^^

Bahahaha! You got micropwnt.

Or not.

Oops, I did it again.

Oops, I did it again.

It keeps disappearing!!!!

And now it reproduces.

Man, I have skills, huh?

Witchcraft!

Witchcraft!

Too bad I can't use it to change your fucked up resume!

(See how I brought that back around full circle???)

Bravo.

Dude, what the fuck are you talking about?

A post










































This long.

:owned:

A post


Yeah rihgt, what kind of dumb shit face are you? Did your mom swallow your dad's cum and shit you out?































































This long.

:owned:


No, LONGER. OBVIOUSLY YOU KNOW VERY LITTLE.


























































ABOUT NOTHING.

Yeah rihgt, what kind of dumb shit face are you? Did your mom swallow your dad's cum and shit you out?

































































No, LONGER. OBVIOUSLY YOU KNOW VERY LITTLE.


























































ABOUT NOTHING.

:owned:

How can you pass a urinalyses test, wotnartd? I'm staring at the medicine cabinet.

I don't do or take any drugs. Seems to work for me.

that doesn't tell me how to pass a urinalyses test when i down muscle relaxers, beer, and a few rails of snow.

I've heard rosehip (sp?) does the trick. I've also heard cranberry juice and vinegar do it. Also, there are those detox things, not sure about those either.

As far as I know, it's all bullshit.

So let me get this strait, you only collect samples of pee? dont you pour the pee into a machine?

Terminator Gold. That's all I am saying czar.

terminator gold? let me google....

So let me get this strait, you only collect samples of pee? dont you pour the pee into a machine?

$100T2 is the doctor.

wow its all over google. looks like you have to drink a lot of fluids.

$100T2 is the doctor.

how so? at your clinic?

how so? at your clinic?

If it wasn't for your ass, I'd kill you.

now im lost.

Two more interviews for the low jobs. Walmart and Walgreens, today, 2pm and 3pm, respectively.

Dude, check out Union Jobs. I just applied to a position with the AFL-CIO.

Not a big fan of Unions. The gig at UPS that I passed up was Teamsters union.

wtf. Not a fan of unions? There is so much less BS with Union jobs. Plus, they usually pay more.

Unions reward the person that's been there the longest, not the person with the most training. Bad idea, IMO.

Unions reward the person that's been there the longest, not the person with the most training. Bad idea, IMO.

Private non-union companies lay you off for no fucking good reason other than to give their stock a bump for the shareholders to see.

I'll take the paper cut over the AIDS infection IMHO.

Private non-union companies lay you off for no fucking good reason other than to give their stock a bump for the shareholders to see.

I'll take the paper cut over the AIDS infection IMHO.

Union companies just lay off the guys at the bottom. Happened to my dad at two different Union foundries.

It's better to lay people off at the bottom than guys getting close to 30 years in with a company. Private companies LOVE to lay people off as they close in on 30 years so as not to have to pay a pension, or pay less. IBM does it all the fuggin time.

The newbies should be the ones to go under most circumstances.

Your sig is entirely too big and pretty annoying...

Your sig is entirely too big and pretty annoying...

So takes its advice.

Don't worry, I'll change it later.

Unions reward the person that's been there the longest, not the person with the most training. Bad idea, IMO.

Incorrecto and I understano but I must make this clear cuz Czar is Union. I tell you what I know. PM me for more details.

1. no good union company will lay off someone who actually works. That is, IF said company has more jobs in the books.

2. companies that hire you are not the same as the Union. Unions fight for wages and find you work. Companies who want well trained tradesmen hire you through the Union. Consider the Union as the unemployment office. All you have to do is wait for your turn to work. Then you are hired on and work yourself out of a job. Facts of life right there. But if your company is any good, and if the economy is good, they will have more jobs on the books to keep you working.

3. My Union will always have work since the UA (http://www.ua.org/) includes not only USA but Canada as well. That means if I am laid off, and depending on local economy, I will be working the next day at a different union company or I can travel anywhere and work the next day as well.

i.e. If your State economy looks good, you don't have to wait so long to get work. But if it doesn't, its still good. There are companies all over looking to hire you. Lets say you live in a shit hole city of Detroit, you will be sitting for a month or more for work, so guess what? ask to travel. Travel pays very well. Especially industrial scale wages that start you out between 30 to 60 an hour plus the additional OT, DT, per diem, travel, medical, pensions, another pension, their pensions, etc etc. Thats right. they cant take your money out of your 30 to 60 to pay for these extras because your Union fought for it. Jesus dude. You'll WANT to be laid off for a few months so you can spend the fruits you made.

Its a Man's job dude. You can cuss, spit, shout, fight, cat call women, talk about pussy out loud, horseplay, drink binges, drugs galore, (you dont have to behave this way mind you) etc.... Listen to the Man inside you. Your roots are to build... so design, communicate and construct with your brothers.

So takes its advice.

Don't worry, I'll change it later.

Chris will change it for you. He's a sig nazi.

Your sig is entirely too big and pretty annoying...

Is that better, princess?

Here is my shitty cover letter that I did for a Paralegal job in NYC paying 65k a year. Thoughts, opinions, criticism are all welcomed.

06/26/08


Dear Prospective Employer,

I was searching for potential employment positions on Careerbuilders.com and came across your position. I am interested in applying for the position of Paralegal at your New York, New York location.
I believe I have much to offer in this position. Some key examples are as follows:

-I have a college degree in Criminal Justice and am further pursuing my education. I believe that all the skills I have learned about (such as Stare decisis, Ratio decidendi and Obiter dicta) would help out greatly in a Paralegal position.

-I graduated with Academic Honors while working full time so I think this shows my terrific time management skills.

-I have a profound ability to research information in a timely fashion. I am familiar with Westlaw, Find Law and various other tools utilized to research particular aspects in various legal fields. I utilized these sites when I had to review cases such as Mapp v. Ohio, Tennessee v. Gardner and Miranda v. Arizona for my course study. If no credible information can be found on a computer, I am not afraid to read countless books and I fully know how to use an index to save time.

-I have been employed with minimal breaks in working since I was 14 years old. I believe this shows a tremendous desire to work and get out and take initiative.

I thank you very much for taking the time to review my cover letter and resume and considering me for employment. Feel absolutely free to contact me or any of my past employers regarding any and all information.

Respectfully yours,


----------

Nobody cares what you think. Get out.

lol. O rly?

Idk.

Here is my shitty cover letter that I did for a Paralegal job in NYC paying 65k a year. Thoughts, opinions, criticism are all welcomed.

06/26/08


Dear Prospective Employer,

I was searching for potential employment positions on Careerbuilders.com and came across your position. I am interested in applying for the position of Paralegal at your New York, New York location.
I believe I have much to offer in this position. Some key examples are as follows:

-I have a college degree in Criminal Justice and am further pursuing my education. I believe that all the skills I have learned about (such as Stare decisis, Ratio decidendi and Obiter dicta) would help out greatly in a Paralegal position.

-I graduated with Academic Honors while working full time so I think this shows my terrific time management skills.

-I have a profound ability to research information in a timely fashion. I am familiar with Westlaw, Find Law and various other tools utilized to research particular aspects in various legal fields. I utilized these sites when I had to review cases such as Mapp v. Ohio, Tennessee v. Gardner and Miranda v. Arizona for my course study. If no credible information can be found on a computer, I am not afraid to read countless books and I fully know how to use an index to save time.

-I have been employed with minimal breaks in working since I was 14 years old. I believe this shows a tremendous desire to work and get out and take initiative.

I thank you very much for taking the time to review my cover letter and resume and considering me for employment. Feel absolutely free to contact me or any of my past employers regarding any and all information.

Respectfully yours,


----------

To be honest... you sound like a kid applying for a fast food job. You can't really be given credit for knowing common things either, it's like you think being able to use a book index is a credential... I was really expecting, "I will completely and fully wipe my ass when I successfully complete a bowel movement while on the job." at anytime while reading it. Reading "countless books" isn't finding information in a "timely fashion" either, it's a contradiction.

I'd say 80% of what you wrote is irrelevant, and cliche skills that everyone believes they have--time management, being able to utilize informational tools, and that you can hold a job. "I have a desire to work", well, they're thinking "no shit, you're applying for a job." A one-liner blatantly proclaiming these skills can obtain the same goal as using a bunch of "filler" to say you have them. I don't think employers really care too much what you "believe" you have either... everyone is more apt to form their own opinion of you by what you show them, rather than tell them... and yes, a cover letter can SHOW more than TELL if done correctly.

Also, your word choice needs some major work in my opinion. For example, when you say "Feel absolutely free to contact me"... it's like you're giving them permission to contact you, rather than asking that they contact you. Whether you, or they, realize it or not, it makes them feel that you may be a subordinate person, it just gives off bad vibes. Ask, or better yet, encourage them to contact you and past employers, don't just give them permission.

As far as your college degree... I'd go more with "I have focused my education around knowledge that is relevant to the paralegal position. For example, I have a Bachelor's degree in Criminal Justice from _______, and I'm currently continuing my education by/at/with/ ______________________. I have studied various areas of law including many individual cases, as well as concepts and philosophy concerning law."

There's more, but I'm not completely rewriting it for you.
-You've contradicted yourself on your cover letter.
-You've made yourself sound subordinate on your cover letter.
-You've displayed a lack of strong writing skills, which I assume, is somewhat important in any law position.
-You don't utilize any literary skills such as alliteration, etc. You'd be surprised how positive such little things can make people feel.

I think that the most important thing about a cover letter/resume is to make the person FEEL you'd be a good fit, and do the job well... much more than them looking at things from a logical standpoint of "on paper, he could do this job." Of course I may be wrong, and you may get the job. I hope you do, best wishes.

To be honest... you sound like a kid applying for a fast food job. You can't really be given credit for knowing common things either, it's like you think being able to use a book index is a credential... I was really expecting, "I will completely and fully wipe my ass when I successfully complete a bowel movement while on the job." at anytime while reading it. Reading "countless books" isn't finding information in a "timely fashion" either, it's a contradiction.

I'd say 80% of what you wrote is irrelevant, and cliche skills that everyone believes they have--time management, being able to utilize informational tools, and that you can hold a job. "I have a desire to work", well, they're thinking "no shit, you're applying for a job." A one-liner blatantly proclaiming these skills can obtain the same goal as using a bunch of "filler" to say you have them. I don't think employers really care too much what you "believe" you have either... everyone is more apt to form their own opinion of you by what you show them, rather than tell them... and yes, a cover letter can SHOW more than TELL if done correctly.

Also, your word choice needs some major work in my opinion. For example, when you say "Feel absolutely free to contact me"... it's like you're giving them permission to contact you, rather than asking that they contact you. Whether you, or they, realize it or not, it makes them feel that you may be a subordinate person, it just gives off bad vibes. Ask, or better yet, encourage them to contact you and past employers, don't just give them permission.

As far as your college degree... I'd go more with "I have focused my education around knowledge that is relevant to the paralegal position. For example, I have a Bachelor's degree in Criminal Justice from _______, and I'm currently continuing my education by/at/with/ ______________________. I have studied various areas of law including many individual cases, as well as concepts and philosophy concerning law."

There's more, but I'm not completely rewriting it for you.
-You've contradicted yourself on your cover letter.
-You've made yourself sound subordinate on your cover letter.
-You've displayed a lack of strong writing skills, which I assume, is somewhat important in any law position.
-You don't utilize any literary skills such as alliteration, etc. You'd be surprised how positive such little things can make people feel.

I think that the most important thing about a cover letter/resume is to make the person FEEL you'd be a good fit, and do the job well... much more than them looking at things from a logical standpoint of "on paper, he could do this job." Of course I may be wrong, and you may get the job. I hope you do, best wishes.

Thanks for the best wishes.

You would be surprised at how many people aren't able to utilize an index; especially when it comes to legal books. They, believe it or not, are indexed an entirely different way (chronology of cases involving a particular statute, for instance Roe V. Wade may be the original case involving abolition of abortion restraints, but it has been covered many times ex post facto (after the fact). All cases pertaining to the original decision may or may not be mentioned. It doesn't take someone with a Juris Doctoral to figure out, but your typical run of the mill blond legal secretary may experience some difficulty in doing it.

I am a subordinate worker really at my current job. I am not a manager or in any real position of authority.

I'll have to build up the the writing skills. Why would alliteration help me out here? If I say I am totally time task talented is that going to help me out?

Thanks again for the input.

Thanks for the best wishes.

You would be surprised at how many people aren't able to utilize an index; especially when it comes to legal books. They, believe it or not, are indexed an entirely different way (chronology of cases involving a particular statute, for instance Roe V. Wade may be the original case involving abolition of abortion restraints, but it has been covered many times ex post facto (after the fact). All cases pertaining to the original decision may or may not be mentioned. It doesn't take someone with a Juris Doctoral to figure out, but your typical run of the mill blond legal secretary may experience some difficulty in doing it.

I am a subordinate worker really at my current job. I am not a manager or in any real position of authority.

I'll have to build up the the writing skills. Why would alliteration help me out here? If I say I am totally time task talented is that going to help me out?

Thanks again for the input.

I've never seen legal book indexes, but I can't imagine them being extremely hard to use. By concept, it's still an index.

It shines through that you're subordinate... it's better to take advancement by showing that you're capable of it, rather than proclaiming it. It takes more time, and more work, but it's a much better gamble. Like I said, I read the subordinate tone in the cover letter, you want to toss that out.

As far as alliteration and other literary techniques, nothing is good once you go overboard with it. Don't force things.

"Taking the time to" is kind of an alliteration. :-\

Wow... every time I typed "subordinate", I meant "insubordinate"

I can't get woken up today... but yeah, important correction.

I don't follow directions? Yeah...that is actually pretty much true.

I don't follow directions? Yeah...that is actually pretty much true.

Following directions and talking down to people that you shouldn't are two different things. You had an insubordinate tone with the people you're asking to hire you.

I'm clearly better than they are.

look up wfg. get in with those guys

A Pyramid Scheme? lol.

So my old boss has been in touch with me the past few days. Says he can get me my old job, with a few provisions, of course (starting pay, retrained, no bennies). As it was, I had been blacklisted for having a few occurrences while I was in school full time and working 12 hour nights, so I can't miss work unless it's really serious, "Unless you've got a bullet in your head, be here."

He wants me back, because he knows I'm a dedicated worker and his boss is cosigning. I should be hearing from an HR hag in a few days.

But of course, I just started a job at Walgreens. I am probably going to try and swing two jobs. I like the Walgreens atmosphere and 15% discount, but it's $8/20 hours versus $13.60/44 hours.

So ultimately, Walgreens will go, if it has to.

So I busted a ton of ass with my applications to start where I finished. Go figure.

The boss said, "I really like you, Dave, I know you're a good worker, so does Mike (the plant boss), and we're both going to get you a job here again, please don't let us down." It made me feel pretty good about myself.

Desperation imo.

True IMO.

So I busted a ton of ass with my applications to start where I finished. Go figure.
Sounds about right. If things don't fucking happen right ricky tick with this job I've been trying to get in AK I'll be going back to the first place I applied for to see if they are still looking for help. I told them I had some "Serious personal issues" I needed to take care of before accepting any position from them. They said "No problem, just give us a call when you are ready to go to work."

Only problem is, I really don't want to work that hard for my money. Oh well, its down to the wire with needing a fucking job.

Old boss just called me, I start next Friday AT THE LATEST. The way the schedule pans out, I could start on Tuesday, but all the paperwork will have to be processed monday, and HR doesn't work that fast.

WOOT!

How far do you live from Menasha ?

About 40 miles. Why?

The company I work for has a site there. I checked the job postings, I only found 2 and neither are anything worth doing.

What company might that be?