OMG..... i SWEAR the bugs going around this year are the WORST i've ever contracted..

I had to go today... and i mean i HAD TO GO... barely made it to the crapper

When i let 'er rip... it sounded like someone just opened up a garden hose.... not from my pecker.. FROM MY BUNGHOLE!!!!

Even MORE amazing was that, upon closer inspection (I always take a peek, I wanna know whats goin on in there.. ya know!!), it looked like I just took a whiz. not even a hunk of CORN!!! Just some frothy mung around the edges, vauguely resembling the last thrawls of a dry heaving fit after a long night of tequila binging!

NOW...

I feel fine..., Maybe I was running a fever yesterday afternoon... but, i'm not physically ill.

the WORST part is that now,,,,, I'm afraid to fart. And, thats one of my main pleasures at work... farting in someone chair as I see them about to enter the hall!!!! I'm afraid I might get more than I bargained for in that deal, cause.. there's no warning on this one, feels just like a fart ready to come out... (how do i know) I thought it was a fart in the shower this morning!!!!!)

I just felt like :puke: when I got to the middle of the post

A blockage could cause this and the fever.

HAHAHHAHAHAHA

Oh that's beautiful! Well written.

I've experienced that yellow pee-like excrement. It's weird. And yeah, you make a few trips to the bathroom to fart, just in case.

Speaking of which, we're out of toilet paper at work (both upstairs and downstairs). So i'll be wiping with the few paper towels we have left. Someone needs to restock...

OK..... So....

that poses ANOTHER question.....

You're at home...... you just took a nice peanut butter shit.... and there is NO TP... What do you do???

Wipe with a towel.... or hop in the shower????

shower.

Use your hand!

Shit washes off.

try pointing ur feet towards GOD.

Naaaaaahh I let that kind of nasty kinky stuff up to the Japanese.. they are the true masters of disturbing sex with fecal matter!!!

:roll:

oh god... this is awesome.

We were, as a matter of fact, talking about this same subject today while UTing pipe.

We are working out in the yard, so the question was, "If you had to take a nice, long, soft serve shit out here, what would you use to wipe?"

Came up, just cut a chunk off the undershirt or your underwear. Otherwise, use your hand if you absolutely had to.

Out in the woods without any toilet paper or convenient leaves, a friend cut off his underwear with his hunting knife, used them to wipe his ass, and then threw them away. He now carries a roll of toilet paper in his glove box at all times. :)

I always have some napkins in my glove box for those just in case times. The worst was being in the desert and having to go. There was no coverage and no tp in site. I had to just drop trousers as far away as the group and then use my extra shirt that was in my travel pack. Sad because walking back I heard the the group laughing hard as I did the walk of shame back to camp.

Out in the woods without any toilet paper or convenient leaves, a friend cut off his underwear with his hunting knife, used them to wipe his ass, and then threw them away. He now carries a roll of toilet paper in his glove box at all times. :)

I think it was 1994, during squirrell season, I had to leave an urgent and immediate dump. As I am VERY uncomfortable wearing BDU pants wihtout underware, i sacrificed my lucky Motorhead T-Shirt to the god of my ass.

I wonder what Lemmy would say about someone using one of his T-Shirts to wipe their ass??

The only problem with using the shirt to wipe you ass is.. Have you ever seen a WHITE motorhead T-Shirt????? it was pretty damn hard to tell if your bung hole was clean.... i just looked for a darker spot on the strip of black cotton!!!!!!

Out in the woods without any toilet paper or convenient leaves, a friend cut off his underwear with his hunting knife, used them to wipe his ass, and then threw them away. He now carries a roll of toilet paper in his glove box at all times. :)

hahaha. I've used an undershirt before.

Bear: Mr bunny does shit stick to ur fur when u shit?

Bunny: no

Bear *grabs bunny after he shits and wipes his bear ass...........*