I got this in my mail today with the following message. I thought it was pretty funny.

"thought the folks at theforumlounge.com would like it Please post anonymously"





I was seeing this one chick. She was lactose intolerant. I didn't find this out until after the fact. G*dammit, lol, now I ask all dates if their lactose intolerant. Standard issue question, lol.

Anyhow, we were kickin it, just hangin out at the apt. We were high as fuck at the time, and had eaten all the munchies in the place, and ordered a pizza and ate half of it. Anyhow, I was like. . .. you know, let's go hang out at Steak and Shakes. So we go, and are just talking about random stuff. She scoots over and sits on my lap, and I spoon feed her a milk shake. It was cute, we were all cuddly and shit. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, I have this blazing boner. It like, for no reason, instantly jumped up and said hi to both she and i. So naturally, women are fucking teases from hell, she starts grinding me over my pants and shit.

My first thought? Waiter, Check please!

I pay, and we head back to the apt. We fooled around, usual forplay. Nothing special. Anyhow, she sorta propped up on the couch on all fours, and I was eating her out from behind. I was like, why not, everything looks clean, smells ivory fresh with a hint of strawberries. Dig in right? Well first rule of tossing salad. BE SURE TO ASK THE LACTOSE ????. Yea, anyhow, im sliding my tongue very soft, because she's never had it like that before. You know, caressing her with my tongue. Ok cool, for a chick that's never had it before, she's doing it like a pro. This next sign shoulda been my warning. She tensed up. So I pulled my tongue out slowly, and was like, honey, it's aiight, just relax. She said "No no, you don't understand, I" then I inturrupted her (damn, I wish I woulda listened to her) and was like "it's ok, I won't hurt you, just lean and enjoy the ride."

Part 2 tomorrow ;)

I chick gave me a puppet show with her labia minora saturday.

This smells like a RedR1 story....

This smells like a RedR1 story....


Exactly what i was thinking......

it smells like something.... you'll find out what it smells like tomorrow :)

i smell poop on his face........

i lol'd

Then why was she eating pizza and a shake? smells fishy... sort of like tuna hahaha

i smell poop on his face........


:werd: :puke:

So where is the rest of it?

PART 2

Yea, ride, what the fuck ever. I get back into it. . . . BAAAAAAM My tongue gets ejected from that tight little love box, and i'm just sitting there, totally amazed. Spray Fart, all over my face. G*ddamn that was nasty!! I put my boxers back on with the one eye that could still see, and ran the fuck outta the room. I knocked the door down, and ran down the hall screaming like a little girl, with like globules of sweat mixing with the aroma of nastiness. Man, By the time I made it to the stairs, I was crying. You think that's bad, here's the worse part!!

I finally make it outside of the building. I keep running, and thump right into a tree. In my brain i think tree = grass. I throw my face down and rub it in the grass to get the shit off of it. Man, talk about life being a bitch. . .. I rubbed my face in a pile of dog shit. I mean, straight up nastey. I started vommiting and stuff. It was bad, rofl.

moral of the story. . . . Shit happens. lol.

I could have gone the rest of the daay without reading that :puke:

PART 2

Yea, ride, what the fuck ever. I get back into it. . . . BAAAAAAM My tongue gets ejected from that tight little love box, and i'm just sitting there, totally amazed. Spray Fart, all over my face. G*ddamn that was nasty!! I put my boxers back on with the one eye that could still see, and ran the fuck outta the room. I knocked the door down, and ran down the hall screaming like a little girl, with like globules of sweat mixing with the aroma of nastiness. Man, By the time I made it to the stairs, I was crying. You think that's bad, here's the worse part!!

I finally make it outside of the building. I keep running, and thump right into a tree. In my brain i think tree = grass. I throw my face down and rub it in the grass to get the shit off of it. Man, talk about life being a bitch. . .. I rubbed my face in a pile of dog shit. I mean, straight up nastey. I started vommiting and stuff. It was bad, rofl.

moral of the story. . . . Shit happens. lol.


Funny but why not just wipe off with the boxers and change to a different hole.

Thats definitely a RedR1 story......I surprised hes not into scat-play.;) So, did he hit that?

that is the risk you take when you lick assholes.

lol, its gross and funny at the same time. I don't think I'd ever be in his position so it's okay to laugh

lol, its gross and funny at the same time. I don't think I'd ever be in his position so it's okay to laugh


So you are saying you don't toss the salad?

Tossing the salad is a good way to get E-coli.

A friend of mine once said, in jest thankfully:

"I eat ass just for my daily supply of E-coli."