Okay, here’s the story. On was on my sister’s computer minding my own business. She had left her MSN on and one of the IM windows popped up as someone was talking to her. Normally I just close these windows and log off because I don’t want to spy on my sister and her friends are annoying. However, this one caught my eye because the message said, “I can probably get some.” Naturally this peaked my concern so I opened up the message history to find out what this person was going to try to get. Apparently this guy is going to try to get booze so he, my sister and some of her other friends get can drunk this weekend.

I realize that I would have to be naïve to think that this sort of thing wouldn’t happen sooner or later but my sister is only 14 and she’s still in grade school. As I see it, my options are confronting her about it, letting my parents know (really not crazy about that one) or just pretending that the whole thing never happened. What would you guys do?

Next time I will be more discrete. I am sorry :P

I just stepped into an episode of 7th heaven...

I just stepped into an episode of 7th heaven...

LOL yeah... I know

I just stepped into an episode of 7th heaven...

LOL

Try to find out where they're partying. THen secretly tell the parents (including yours) so they can all walk in and bust them.

Kick his ass for trying to get your sister drunk? You know he's planning on more then just getting drunk.

Try to find out where they're partying. THen secretly tell the parents (including yours) so they can all walk in and bust them.

+1 Busting up parties is the best thing ever. I would hate if that happened to me, but if it's other people, and they pissed in my cheerios and tried to get my lil sis drunk, they'd be lucky for me not to go beat them.

Kick his ass for trying to get your sister drunk? You know he's planning on more then just getting drunk.

I agree. Kick. His. Ass.

Sister, brother, whatever, they all want to go boozing. Young ones at that. So, where's mom and dad in this picture? Are you not confident enough to send them in? After all, they are the experts.

Question to you. Want to take over parenting?

Yes? Be active in her life. Heavily for a few weeks. Especially this weekend, eh? Use life examples to teach her what poor decisions looks like. Take her to the inner city and find drunks. Point them out to her. Show her the cause and effects from sources like newspapers.

NO? You realized its out of your hands since you are busy. Tough shit cuz guess what? It is still your responsibility. But you need help in this. Your parents need to be active on this, pronto. Truly it is their job. Don't give up on all involved. Coach all parties. Tell them you will communicate with all three to make sure everyone follows through. Being a leader in all this will teach you to get through some tight spots in the future. And they will come!

Hey Ark, what do you think of Year Zero?

If you tell the 'rents, she'll never trust you agian.

Your best bet is to talk to her about it, tell her your not going to rat her out to Mom&Dad, and just explain to her just exactly what the booze is doing, what guys on booze try to do, and how to be responsible if she's still going to drink. If you try to stop her, it's only going to make her want to do it more, and she'll be more secret about it in the future. Better that she goes into the situation armed with your knowledge and experience.

She is making poor choices is the root of the problem. So it isn't a big surprise that she wont trust Ark either for doing the right thing. Another poor choice. Talk to her? We already KNOW what she will say. Don't you get it? But Ark can let her know beforehand that he will confront the parents and listen to what she has to say. That way she will know he isn't back stabbing and she needs the help and to trust her parents to help out.

The right choice is to let the people who are responsible for her know, so THEY can help. But in case the parents are abusers, you'll have to take over parenting.

I say talk to her. Having a younger brother myself, you have to understand that they look up to you to some degree. They also want to make their own lives. If she knows you drink, then she will want to as well.

My brother and I lost our virginities the same year. I was 16, he was 14. He probably wouldn't have had sex at 14 had he not seen me bringing my girlfriend over every day and slipping off into my room for a couple hours at a time, knowing full well what we were doing.

Having said that. My brother also drinks. He used to moreso than he does now. I don't drink. At all.

I think 14 is too young for any of this shit. And honestly, if you are well known for drinking and doing drugs, she will look up to you and want to do the same thing.

If you don't drink or do without letting a lot of people know, and don't want to have the talk with her about how she is too young or whatever, do the parent thing. There is no reason for her to be drinking and shit when she can't even get a driver's permit yet.

She is making poor choices is the root of the problem. So it isn't a big surprise that she wont trust Ark either for doing the right thing. Another poor choice. Talk to her? We already KNOW what she will say. Don't you get it? But Ark can let her know beforehand that he will confront the parents and listen to what she has to say. That way she will know he isn't back stabbing and she needs the help and to trust her parents to help out.

It's not what she says that matters here, it's what he says to her. Of course we know what she's going to say: "I'm old enough to make my own decsions... It's my life... You/Mom/Dad does it...", etc. etc.

And she's not making poor choices, she's experimenting. She doesn't have the experience to determine that this is a bad choice. That's why EDUCATION is what I suggested, as opposed to the CENSORSHIP and ABSTINENCE that everyone else seems to think is the answer.

send them a bible from Church YZF.........

And she's not making poor choices, she's experimenting. She doesn't have the experience to determine that this is a bad choice. That's why EDUCATION is what I suggested, as opposed to the CENSORSHIP and ABSTINENCE that everyone else seems to think is the answer.

Are you kidding me? Of course she knows exactly what she is doing and knows its a bad choice. And guess what other kinds of poor choices are out there? Especially for young girls who what to experiment with their panties down.

I'm telling you, what more of a sign do you want? One moment of a 'talking to' isn't going to cut it. Her 'poor choice' habit has to stop right now. Or else she will just get better at hiding it. Her parents has 4 years to EDUCATE her on right choices and get her back on track. Help her find better friends. Find her shit to do. Or something. It's not Ark's job. And it shouldn't be. Otherwise, it's the same old shit and soon back to the old routine.

She'll get over it, when she becomes a parent. And then teaches her kids what she learned from all this. It's not being waisted here. And one day she will be grateful. Humbled of what a loving family she really has.

Are you kidding me? Of course she knows exactly what she is doing and knows its a bad choice. And guess what other kinds of poor choices are out there? Especially for young girls who what to experiment with their panties down.

I'm telling you, what more of a sign do you want? One moment of a 'talking to' isn't going to cut it. Her 'poor choice' habit has to stop right now. Or else she will just get better at hiding it. Her parents has 4 years to EDUCATE her on right choices and get her back on track. Help her find better friends. Find her shit to do. Or something. It's not Ark's job. And it shouldn't be. Otherwise, it's the same old shit and soon back to the old routine.

She'll get over it, when she becomes a parent. And then teaches her kids what she learned from all this. It's not being waisted here. And one day she will be grateful. Humbled of what a loving family she really has.

Thanks for the good advice Czar, I think I know what I need to do now.

As for myself, I drink but not that often. I don't live at home during the school year so she has only really ever seen me drunk once. Same goes for my parents, they hardley drink at all. I think the problem here is my mother caves into her too much. The girl lacks discipline. I try to make up for that but there's only so much that I can do (can't really play the "I'm going to ground you card.")

What I find to be the most unforuntate thing is that my sister and I get along really well, almost like friends. This will change that...

Hey Ark, what do you think of Year Zero?

Like all Nine Inch Nails albums (except maybe Pretty Hate Machine) it takes some time before you start to like it. This one, after having had listened to it about once a day for the past four weeks or so is a great album. He's achieved a sound on this album that is pretty damn unique (though there are some obvious influences). His singing has improved quite a bit, and at 16 tracks, you get a lot of music. I am disappointed that there are very few live instruments on this album but I guess WITH_TEETH made up for that. I actually don't mind the poppy direction that it takes but I'm glad that he's still able to make meaningful songs like In This Twilight and Zero Sum. For me, this album falls between The Fragile (which is my favourite album) and The Downward Spiral.

Also, the album had used an ARG (alternate reality game) as a means to market the album and also, to expand on its theme (it is a concept album after all). You can read more about it here if you are interested: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Year_Zero_%28album%29

Tell her that even thought she is only 14, she should know better.

Fucking drill her, and then call the fucker who is trying to get the alcohol and cuss him out for acting like a child and wanting to drink, because lets face it, its cool as hell to drink underage. Stupid fucking idiots.

Tell her its fucking gay and shes a dumbass. Then call him and tell him the same. Tell them both to grow up. Fuckfaces.

Mark

Her parents has 4 years to EDUCATE her on right choices and get her back on track. Help her find better friends. Find her shit to do. Or something.

I agree, especially that "education" isn't the key (ever plot the course of the rise of "Sex Ed" in schools vs teen pregnancy?)

It's not Ark's job. And it shouldn't be. Otherwise, it's the same old shit and soon back to the old routine.

Well, it kinda is. He _IS_ her brother :p

Tell her that even thought she is only 14, she should know better.

Fucking drill her, and then call the fucker who is trying to get the alcohol and cuss him out for acting like a child and wanting to drink, because lets face it, its cool as hell to drink underage. Stupid fucking idiots.

Tell her its fucking gay and shes a dumbass. Then call him and tell him the same. Tell them both to grow up. Fuckfaces.

Mark
Frankly, I don't give a shit about the other kid. You should have heard this little fucking douche bag though, acting like he's all experienced and mature. Telling my sister how he just "really needs a drink." Makes me want to feed my fist down his fucking throat. But I'm not about to get involved in his little seedy life. His parents can figure it out.

Like i said. YOu have to take care of all of them (the ones who are in on this). So what if your sister "learns a lesson"? She's still going end up with her friends and they'll end up doing the same thing AGAIN if nothing happens to them.

Okay, here’s the story. On was on my sister’s computer minding my own business. She had left her MSN on and one of the IM windows popped up as someone was talking to her. Normally I just close these windows and log off because I don’t want to spy on my sister and her friends are annoying. However, this one caught my eye because the message said, “I can probably get some.” Naturally this peaked my concern so I opened up the message history to find out what this person was going to try to get. Apparently this guy is going to try to get booze so he, my sister and some of her other friends get can drunk this weekend.

I realize that I would have to be naïve to think that this sort of thing wouldn’t happen sooner or later but my sister is only 14 and she’s still in grade school. As I see it, my options are confronting her about it, letting my parents know (really not crazy about that one) or just pretending that the whole thing never happened. What would you guys do?


Intervene. No need to get the folks involved yet, you and you're siblings are a unit, you've got to work together. Act as though you're really pissed off about it, considering that she's so young.

here's a thought---who is the guy thats trying to get booze for your sister? Do you know who it is? How old he is? Is he also a minor? My point being, there may very well be much more serious issues with this than some kids trying alcohol. Thanks to all those dateline specials, all I can think of in this is some dude in his 30's trying to pick up your kid sister.

This may or may not be the case, but at what point is this only about her drinking, and at what point does it escalate to being about her safety? You do not know the intentions of that guy, his age, or really anything else about him.....do you really want to make any assumptions right now about this?

If you choose to talk to her, face facts--you just wasted your time. She's about at that age where kids think they know enough not to listen to anyone. Nothing you tell her about what could happen will sink in, because kids always think "that wont happen to me though"....remember when you were that old? The bad things always happen to "someone else" at that age.

Like all Nine Inch Nails albums (except maybe Pretty Hate Machine) it takes some time before you start to like it. This one, after having had listened to it about once a day for the past four weeks or so is a great album. He's achieved a sound on this album that is pretty damn unique (though there are some obvious influences). His singing has improved quite a bit, and at 16 tracks, you get a lot of music. I am disappointed that there are very few live instruments on this album but I guess WITH_TEETH made up for that. I actually don't mind the poppy direction that it takes but I'm glad that he's still able to make meaningful songs like In This Twilight and Zero Sum. For me, this album falls between The Fragile (which is my favourite album) and The Downward Spiral.

Also, the album had used an ARG (alternate reality game) as a means to market the album and also, to expand on its theme (it is a concept album after all). You can read more about it here if you are interested: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Year_Zero_%28album%29

That ARG stuff is cool. I saw it on 7club, and am currently keeping track of it all. Even on the back of the CD is a phone number for the Bureau of Morality, it's all cool stuff. I listen to the CD whenever my car is on, and just every sound, is awesome. After listening for awhile you can really hear a story, in the music, man.

And your sister, talk to her, say you're worried, and all that 7th heaven BS, and if she just pitches a fit, call the 'rents. Also tell everyone else.

Where is the party, I need to get drunk.

here's a thought---who is the guy thats trying to get booze for your sister? Do you know who it is? How old he is? Is he also a minor? My point being, there may very well be much more serious issues with this than some kids trying alcohol. Thanks to all those dateline specials, all I can think of in this is some dude in his 30's trying to pick up your kid sister.

This may or may not be the case, but at what point is this only about her drinking, and at what point does it escalate to being about her safety? You do not know the intentions of that guy, his age, or really anything else about him.....do you really want to make any assumptions right now about this?

If you choose to talk to her, face facts--you just wasted your time. She's about at that age where kids think they know enough not to listen to anyone. Nothing you tell her about what could happen will sink in, because kids always think "that wont happen to me though"....remember when you were that old? The bad things always happen to "someone else" at that age.
+1

Well, I talked with her about it last night. I explained the events that led me to stumble on her apparent plans for this weekend and she immediately got defensive. She made up some bogus lie and tried to turn it into a screaming match. I went for that which is probably a side of me that she hasn't ever seen before and she backed down. I then brought it back to a level of civil conversation and we talked about it over. I expressed my concerns with her, and as sky mentioned, explained that my main concern is with her safety.

I tried to get through to her the dangers of drinking irresponsibily, regardless of age, the kind of things that guys have in mind when they get a girl drunk and the consquences of not knowing your own limits. I think that there is no doubt about whether I made a dent with her but when I ask myself how big that dent is, I need to be realistic here. With this sort of thing nothing teaches like pesonal experience. I talked about my own personal experiences with drinking (I was 16 the first time I got drunk) and how even then I wasn't ready. I brought up a lot of issues and concerns with her. Naturally she verbally agreed with everything that I said, that is to be expected, I even told her that.

In the end, I've decided to keep this between us but I'm going to be a more active part in her life. If I were to tell my parents they would put her in lock down, take away her computer and restrict her from doing things that are pretty innocent. I wouldn't really blame them for resorting to that, but that sort of knee jerk reaction will not do any good here. There's nothing wrong with being friends with someone who drinks at her age and I wouldn't want to end any of her friendships because of that. However, she has to be able to realize that she is not ready to be part of that. This sort of realization can only come from inside and grounding her won't bring her there (if anything, it'll drive her the other way).

Time will tell how well I got through to her but I realize that this will only be the begining for us.

And sky, to answer your question, this kid is her age. If he wasn't, I would find him myself.

I agree, especially that "education" isn't the key (ever plot the course of the rise of "Sex Ed" in schools vs teen pregnancy?)

Ever plot the decrease in pirates to average temperature across the globe? We need more pirates to stop global warming!

Correlation != Causation

The idea that keeping ignorance is better than education is *rediculous*.

I applaud the OG poster for the way he chose to handle this situation.

The idea that keeping ignorance is better than education is *rediculous*.

Thats your idea/assumption, not mine.

Who said they should keep ignorance?

What would Jesus do?

What would Jesus do?

Ask Burt Reynolds for help.

Better question, what would FSM do?

Read the factory service manual and find out.

okay i didn't read all three pages but I think this is what you and YOUR FRIENDS can do.

If possible try to find out where they're going to be drinking. Have you and your friends dress up like a SWAT team, Counter Strike character, or something. Bust in the f'n damn place with paint ball guns and let them have it (but be careful you don't want your sister to get hit).


NOTE: quite possibly the dumbest thing I've thought about today :bigthumb:

Brilliant idea! Just read the Factory Service Manual for your sister and turn to the troubleshooting section, and see what it says under "Underage Drinking"

I hate how so many families loose the FSM for their kids, especially daughters who aren't exactly intuitive by nature. I believe I have a pretty decent understanding of woman, but it would still be nice to have an FSM with exact torque specs and a step-by-step, at least to compare to.

And if you think THATS bad try getting replacement parts! Oy, they cost a fortune and you've always gotta go aftermarket! And to top it off, they're never as good as the original, that was free in the first place. It's hard enough getting even getting support right out of the factory for most of these things, let alone getting parts.

And the warentee? Forgeddaboudit.